The bitter taste of disappointment

I'm not in the greatest of moods at the moment. My birthday was missed by nearly all of my "friends" out there. My own father didn't bother to call on my birthday. I did get a card today from him, but it was obvious that my step-mom bought the card and made him sign it. I got a card like that from the CEO of my company who doesn't even know me. I got one present from my mom, and it was a check. I think money is the crappiest gift to give, because it shows that you didn't want to even try to figure out what the person wants.

I'm just angry because birthdays should be about celebration, recognition, and love. I got neglect, apathy, and disinterest. This bothers me to no end, and hurts a bit. I don't know if I'm just sensitive about this because I don't have the best self esteem, or if events like this growing up is why I feel like I do.

My mom tried to cheer me up a bit with a cookout after my day on the lake plans fell through for unknown reasons. I really tried to keep upbeat and not let things get me down, too. It hit me last night that I was having my birthday with my mom and a couple of her neighbors (who are very cool, but don't really know me). My brother had called earlier in the day, and my sister gave me a card as she ran off to her boyfriend's. That's it. I switched from beer to water at that point so I wouldn't really hit bottom when I went back home and sat in my empty apartment.

It made me think of a Slipknot lyric, tho-

I've felt the hate rise up in me,
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves,
I wander out where you can't see,
Inside my shell I wait and bleed.

I dunno if it makes sense to anyone else, but it works for me.