All that I wanted were things I had before.
It's been a busy few days. Driving down to Missouri I realized how much I miss my jaunts into the unknown. There's a certain freedom driving through the countryside. There was plenty of freedom this time, too. Since I left at around 6pm, I was driving until about 4am. There was little traffic which made a lot of places very nice because going through construction with traffic around you sucks. It didn't help that it was raining hard in a few places. But since I didn't have to be there at any particular time, I slowed down and took it easy.
I was too excited to sleep, so I pulled into a local park and wandered for a while to stretch out under the steel grey pre-dawn sky. When it started sprinkling again, I hopped into my car and listened to the radio for a couple hours. Then the ex called and we went to have breakfast. After getting me filled up with the caffeine and food that I needed, we went to the local mall and wandered since I still had to wait a few hours before I could check into the hotel.
Wondering why the big leadup here? Well, I got a reminder or something there that I didn't realize I missed as much as I did. No, it's not that. I think everyone reading me regularly knows that I miss sex. However, the thing I missed was something I hadn't had for years. What was this mystery thing?
She reached out to hold my hand as we walked.
I know what you're thinking. Big freakin' deal. Well, to me it was. I hadn't walked with a gal like that for at least 4 years. Maybe my hands are more sensitive than most guys or something. All I know is that when she did that, my pulse raced and I smiled like I didn't have a care in the world. Sometimes it's the simplest things that really make you feel loved more than anything.
The song lyric in the title is pretty apt for how I felt. I'm not crazy, tho. I'm the ex-boyfriend that gets benefits when we see each other. I'm not going to start trying to get back into a relationship with her. She already has a boyfriend, is quite happy with how things are going, and I'm sure as hell not going to move to Missouri to be with her. I just wish I was closer sometimes to we could spend more time together. We do have amazing times when we do get together...
*starts daydreaming again reliving wonderful memories with a big smile*
Bonus points for knowing the song.
posted by Erik @ 6:20 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
there's nothing weird about missing the hand-holding! It just means it's not meaningless sex you're missing it's the relationship thing. You'll find one. I spent three and a half years wihtout sex and the whole relationship thing and so far so good! Maybe you should try on-line dating??? AT the worse, you've got great blogging stories
Yeah, I miss the relationship thing, I guess. I do miss the sex a helluva lot too, tho.
Online dating is something I am avoiding. I met the bad ex-gf online. I dealt with enough of her crap and it's given the online dating thing a very bad taste in my mouth.
Nothing wrong with holding hands. It just makes you realize that what you want more is a relationship than just having sex. You can have sex with anyone, but always for me the biggest highs were holding hands or just being close to the person I cared about. Even when I do get the sex now and then...its still that closeness I still yearn for.
Just remember, how much you want that when you are tempted to do something wrong...like a one night stand.
And someday, you will find someone who will want to keep holding your hand. Head up babe!
A one-night stand doesn't have to be 'wrong'. I've become great friends with some 'one-night' stands.
I was referring to the "what was I thinking" one night stands. So ner.
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