I'm just a 21st century digital boy, I don't know how to live but I've got a lot of toys

Warning: drunk and too truthful post. So step off if you can't handle deez nuts, fuckers.

I'm amusing myself by posting tonight. I got blitzed at the bar tonight while ogling the cute bartender. She was talking about her boyfriend (who she knew a whole 2 months before he shipped overseas) and was worried about him coming home on leave, and what was going to happen. Personally, she needs to get on this lap and bite a pillow so we doesn't wake up all of her neighbors instead of waiting for a guy who's never there. Do I tell her this shit? Nope. I'm "the friend", remember?

1- Quote from a song here, bonus points if you know the band and song. "If I'm so wonderful, then why am I so misunderstood?"

I bought an iPod and have spent the last 48 hours deciding what is good enough to be on it. I love it whule I work out. The variety of my tastes shows, tho. Everything is on the damn thing. I still need to get Biz Markie, Henry Rollins, and Pantera on it. Fucking sucks that I don't have those CD's. I have so many good albums on tape and not on CD. Fuck.

2- Here's a song for my mood. More points if you pick the song and artist, bitches.
That's rock bottom,
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom,
When you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom,
When you feel like you've had it up to here
Cuz you're mad enough to scream
But you're sad enough to tear.

What do I need right now? Companionship? Friends? Love? A helluva good lay? I dunno. I think all of the above. Personally, I need to follow my dreams and fuck a gal on the pitchers mound of Miller Park during a game. Actually, maybe center field so the people with bad seats can get a good show and cheer me on while I bang her doggy style and smack her ass like it's never been smacked before. I must be wrong in the head, right? Maybe I just have the ballpark in my head since I just got tickets for two games in May. Back to back games in a few weeks. I'll be tailgating heavily. I'm even making the brats, biotch.

I haven't decided if I'm going to hit the gun range or the porn store tomorrow. Both are a release, I guess. It's pretty fucking sad if these are the only bright spots in my day, eh?

I deserve so much better. Why don't more gals tell me then want some of this?

Talking to my sister the other day, I hear (15 years too fucking late) that a few of her friends had the hugest crush on me. I dunno why I never saw this at all. I know that I can't judge people, but apparently a couple wanted me badly over many years. I must be dense as shit.

Yeah, this is a long post. Deal with it.

3- Last song quote. You know the deal. Bonus points. Drinks involved if I see ya. Feel lucky. "I'm freaking and you couldn't care less. I've got the deep down crazies trying to get my head round this mess."

Johnny Walker is my friend. I wish I had friends like him who would be at my house when I needed them. As much as I hate to be an alcohol whore (ok, another song lyric), I like being drunk when I feel like this. Part of me wants to end things, and I promised myself I wouldn;t do that. So rather than deal with the part of me that craves self destruction with a drooling maw, I liquor myself up hoping that the hole I feel in my chest will be pacified for a few moments so I can get a second of peace. One reason I masturbate so much, I suppose. I love those seconds ofter a good orgasm where my brain is blank. Sex is a better thing, tho. I can have sex, curl up with the gal afterwards, and think of nothing for hours. The only thing I think of is how good she feels against me. I miss that feeling.

I hope this even makes sense to one person. I hope that I can still pull off grammar and correct spelling at this point. If not, forgive me. If I'm too drunk to understand right now... well, your loss, I guess. I have a loose tongue when I'm drunk. Aren't ya jealous?

Yeah, that's what I thought... *laughs*