The long goodnight, and the morning after

This is a pic I took a while ago while I was working. It was in a pharmacy for a mental institution. I know it was probably used for medicinal use, but the sign was too funny to pass up.

I'm planning on doing something silly tonight. I'm heading to a bar with a group of people and I'm planning on not drinking. I'm not really doing this on a whim. I have my reasons.

First of all, Anger + Frustration + Depression + Alcohol = BAD. I've been holding back quite a bit lately. I really don't want to end up going off on someone because I'm inebriated and venting. I'd rather make it a fun evening.

Also, my sleeping pattern is all messed up and I think I know how to fix it. Thanks to getting sick and then Daylight Savings Time, I get to sleep around 4 or 5 in the morning and wake up around noon. This doesn't help my mood one bit. Since I can't seem to sleep any earlier, I'm going to stay up all night. I figure start pouring in the caffeine at the bar, and keep it going until tomorrow night.

By being up all night, I'll be fairly braindead when I get to my bar on Wednesday. I'm not sure if that'll be a good thing, tho. I'll either listen, not talk much, and leave early because I'm tired, or I'll blather on about something that will get me into trouble with the cute bartender. I suppose it really doesn't matter much either way. I'm probably out of the picture one way or another anyhow.

Here's something I was pondering the other day. I think I feel more alone than most people. I've said before how I don't get vibes off of people, and never really know how people feel about me. I judge how people feel about me by their actions since I've had a lot of liars school me in why I shouldn't trust what people say. I still tend to trust what people say but if it involves me I take it with a huge grain of salt until their actions show through. I try to look for little things like people calling me up just to talk or to hang out together. I look for people who go out of their way for me. I still think of sex as the best way to connect with people. I know that people can just want to fuck and not love someone. Hell, I've fucked many people I didn't love. I've only fucked gals that I'd consider to be a friend, tho. I have to care about someone before I'll let them in.

Like usual, I don't know if this makes sense. I probably sound like a whiny little wuss, or a wannabe romantic, or something like that. Not a fun or smart thing to talk about either, I'm sure. Thanks for letting indulge my introvert side, tho. As always, let me know what you think.