The truth can be humbling

I was looking over some test results today from a while back. I've always had trouble with school and staying on track in general. A friend pointed out to me that I should get tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. She had been reading up on it because she was trying to work as a teacher of environmental science. Many of the signs were there, but people tend to read symptoms and overreact. I decided to talk with a doctor and see what I could do to get tested.

They barraged me with all sorts of tests. I was tested on IQ, ADD, depression, anxiety, and a few other personality traits. After all of the testing was done, the test administrator informed me that it was obvious from what he saw that I'd be diagnosed ADD. I was a bit shocked. I had to wait for the shrink to make the final determination, but if it was so obvious to the administrator, why hadn't anyone else noticed? I suppose he had more psychological experience than most. Two weeks later, they finished reviewing my tests and sent me the findings.

At the beginning, it was quite a boost to the ego to read. They started off with my history, and then went into the IQ testing. On the various sections of the test, I ranked in the 87th to 99th percentile. I've always known that I'm smart, but when I saw the overall IQ at 136, I was impressed. 130 and higher is called either Very Superior or Genius. The rest of the academic testing followed suit. So far, so good.

The middle covered the psychological tests. Not the greatest, but it was what I expected. No, I'm not crazy. No, I don't have issues with anxiety. Yes, I have problems with depression on occaision. Yes, I have a crappy self esteem most of the time. I'm still working on things, what can I say?

Finally, I get to the ADD section. On the test they gave me, a score of +1 to -1 was normal. A score of -1.8 was considered impaired and treatment probably was necessary. Me? I scored a -4.24. No wonder the guy giving the test felt confident about a diagnosis.

After this, was the full psychological workup on me. I won't cover the details here, but wow. It was the brutally honest, cut down with no BS description of me. It's an extraordinarily humbling experience to be there, taken apart on paper. I particularly like the line the line that begins, "it does appear that Mr. _____ would be seen as possessing co-morbid disorders...". If someone didn't know the real meaning of co-morbid, it would sound really freaky.

So, I'm damaged goods in a way. I'm the guy with a Ferrari for a mind, but they jammed the throttle open all the way and nobody installed the brakes. I have to stick my feet out like on the Flinstones. I go through a lot of shoes doing that. *laughs* What did I do since getting the tests? I'll fill you more in tomorrow on ADD, how it works, and what I'm doing. May you all have some fun dreams tonight.