Temptations of the dark side

I've had a pretty busy week with work. We have vacations and leaves to cover right now, so there has been the opportunity to work however many hours I want to. So on Thursday and Friday I worked a combined 23 hours plus I'm working a few hours today as well. Since Saturdays are supervisor free, I finally got to check my blog between calls. Glad to see that this site isn't blocked like just about every other site is. (Just found out: I can't actually read my or other blogs at work, but I can write posts. How fucked up is that?)

I woke up from a dream this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I rarely remember dreams as well, so I was surprised to remember so much detail from this one. I didn't wake up suddenly or screaming, but it was a very disturbing dream that has me thinking. Even odder to be was that it starred the evil ex, who I really haven't thought of much lately.

The dream basically was me kidnapping her and then punishing her in many really messed up ways. We're talking physically abusive and sexually abusive ways. I'm not going to go into further detail than that. The dream has me thinking a lot because during the dream, I was enjoying what was happening.

I had to wonder if this was just my brain going out on a limb for no reason, or if there is some part of me that enjoys this. I know I have a dominant side, but this was controlling and abusive. Maybe there's a part of me that would like to punish her or other people and sits in the back of my consciousness plotting what to do when that day comes. I know we all want on some level to get revenge on people who hurt us, but this was extreme.

I might be disturbed more by this because it came out of left field and was very vivid. I wish I knew because even 6 hours later, my mind keeps going back to think of it. Any thoughts?