Yada to tha third

I'm still in a very blah mood. I keep feeling like I've wasted my life. I've been trying to shake the feeling, but it isn't going away.

I was at a block party this weekend and when I got home, all I could think of was how I was just taking up space. I talked with a few people. We said empty pleasantries to each other. Joked about this and that. When we parted ways, I felt like I made no difference in their lives. I was a single serving friend to talk to and then to be discarded.

Maybe I'm not a single serving person, but I do feel discardable. Hell, I feel discarded by most people. I'm friends for a while but after a while I'm not worth the effort and I get tossed to the side. Since I worked in a travelling job, I haven't been much for calling up people or visiting people, but even before then I had the same thing happen. I can't tell you why. Nobody wants to tell me the answer.

Tonight I should've been a bit happier, but I'm not. I was at my local bar drinking with a friend, and these five gals walk in. I was talking to everyone, and since they were next to me at the bar, I chatted them up. Joanne, Jane, and Tracy were all nice gals. Joanne seemed quite interested in me. We went back and forth. She asked a lot of questions about me, particularly about sex, piercings, and such since my tongue is pierced. She even asked me for my number.

I'm going to put a bet out there for anyone to take up. $100 to anyone who wants to bet that I won't hear from Joanne or the other two by my birthday. That's September 5th for those of you not in the know. Honestly, I hope I'm wrong here. I'd look forward to paying up. I doubt I'm wrong, tho.

Yesterday's title was from "40 oz. to Freedom" from Sublime. I drank a lot more than 40 ounces tonight, but I feel neither better nor free. I think you only feel free if you get what you want or better yet, happily laid while or after drinking. You tell me...