Tuesday, June 17, 2008

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son...

Where was I? New job in KC? Yeah, that didn't happen. Next few jobs that got into my sights didn't happen either. I don't take disappointment well. I was looking forward to the thought of moving. It's tempting to be able to start with a clean slate. Only problem is that your past has a way of sneaking up and slapping the shit out of you.

So I'm just trying to keep my head down at work so I can possibly get out of this department I'm in now. I can tell that it's affecting my life in seriously negative ways. I just don't even want to get near a phone these days. I have a voicemail on my cell right now that I haven't listened to from Friday. I really don't want to hear anyone else's crap right now. I can't even handle my own.

My nerves are on edge as I'm dancing on the razor trying to get a better deal. I could keep on with the same job and stay on this trail. It would be easy to just get a new apartment (my roommate moves out in a little over a month, so I ended the lease) stay with the same ol' thing, but it sure as hell isn't good for me if my present state is any indication. I keep my hope up trying to for new things in another city and I might end up homeless and/or hopeless. I'm just in the middle of this dark miasma of uncertainty, my doubts and issues swirling around me like a tornado and it only takes one to end my life. No wonder I'm alone.

Then again, I've some fine examples of why it's good to be single lately. Ms. I. Needa Babydaddy, Ms. Cody Pendant, Ms. Diva B. Otch, and that's the just the funny names off the top of my head I can think of at 3am. Yeah, there's probably a perfect woman out there for me somewhere, but I'm not counting on meeting her. My life's complicated enough right now.

...I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.