Wednesday, November 30, 2005


And I'm not talking about Social Studies either.

This is going to be real quick. Fact is, I'm in a lot of pain. My back is messed up in general anyway, but I think it got more damaged in the wipeout yesterday. It's not anything that is going to keep me from doing my job, because I've gone to work in pain and horribly ill before. But I'm going to be useless for anything after that. This is why the post is going to be short. I can't even sit without pain.... luckily I have Tylenol, a decent bed, and a tv at eye level tonight. I dread driving tomorrow, tho.

Speaking of the car, they were finally able to tow the car to me at noon after I called them at 6:30AM. I couldn't go above 60 without the front end shaking like Whitney Houston after her dealer got busted. I need to get it taken care of, but I'm hoping to be able to get it in tomorrow as I train. I just couldn't take sitting on those plastic chairs for an hour or two.

Thanks for your well wishes. Hopefully I'll be able to properly thank you guys tomorrow. Take care and send Demerol, money, and guns.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


I'm having a rough week, and it's only Monday. Please someone, shoot me now!

Today was supposed to be a long but easy drive from Milwaukee to Grand Forks and then I'd get to crash in a hotel room and get ready for training I was supposed to do tomorrow. "Supposed to" is the operative term here.

So I woke up today at 6AM to get on the road early to avoid traffic. That worked out well, I avoided all the traffic around Milwaukee and Madison, and other it being a gloomy day, things looked good. Wrong! Between Madison and St. Paul, there are nasty rainstorms that nearly made me pull off the road a half dozen times. Just before the Minnesota border, it clears up nicely and I even get to see a little sun around St. Paul. That Mother Nature is a fucking teasing bitch, tho.

The whole day was windy, but it got bad after I passed St. Cloud. It got a little foggy, but not enough to bother my vision. Then, the car sounded like it was getting pelted with sand. I figured that they salted or sanded the roads recently, and try to ignore it. The sounds get louder and I start getting worried. Then I finally can see that I'm not driving in fog, I'm driving in the beginnings of snow. It's not quite snow, tho. It's frozen drizzle, which is why I thought I was getting sandblasted. As I keep driving, conditions continue to deteriorate. Soon, I have to drive 60, then 50, then 40 on a stretch of road that I was doing 70 on. Lucky for me, not too many people are on the roads, and since the wind is blowing so hard, it's not collecting much on the road to make it icy and slippery.

The visibility goes right into the crapper, tho. I'm driving half blind, but I'm being careful and keep going. I get real worried when I am almost in Fargo and find out that they closed I-94. I must've missed them closing the highway by just a few minutes the way it sounds, too. No word about how things are on I-29, but I only have 70 miles to drive on it to get to my hotel room. I'm 2 and a half hours late when I reach Fargo, but according to the news, it's passable. I trek onward.

After the last Fargo exit, I notice that the road is getting a little icy. I slow down enough to give myself room in the sparse traffic so I don't have to worry about hitting someone if I have to stop quickly. I guessed I pushed my luck to the breaking point. I started to slide a little to the right, and let off the gas, turn into the skid, and avoid my brake. Skid averted, until I start bring the car back into the lane. Then I skid to the left and skid hard. It's a sickening feeling to be behind the wheel, and have no control of what's going on.

Things go into slow motion. I was skidding at almost a right angle to traffic and I'm facing the southbound traffic. There was a grassy median between the northbound and southbound lanes luckily. I was also sliding closer to the median. As soon as my front tire hits the grass, my car catches traction, lurches into the median, and spins me around. I come to rest in the middle of the median, facing the way I came from, but unhurt. I turn on the hazards and go out to look at the car. I feel lucky that both myself and the car hasn't taken any damage. I quickly hop back into the car, put it in first gear instead of drive, and hit the gas. I go nowhere. Reverse? Nowhere. Fuck.

Remember that rain I passed through? It had gone through here yesterday evening and had drenched them just as bad as the places that I drove through. They got their drenching right before the sun went down. Right before it dropped below freezing.

I was now parked on this slab of ice, grass, and collecting snow. Like most medians, it is built in a rough "V" shap. I quickly realize that I have a better chance of getting laid tonight, than I do of getting this car out of the ditch. This is the first time I've ever gotten stuck in a storm. Since I'm from Wisconsin and I hear enough tales of getting stuck, so I know what to do without freaking out. I call up the county sheriff and tell them where I am and ask for a tow. They tell me it will be a while, so I turn off my engine, zip up my jacket, and put my gloves back on. It gets dark early here, so soon I'm sitting in the dark listening to the wind howl and drive the frozen rain relentlessly against my car. The windows ice up quick so I don't see anything but the very occaisional headlights beyond the white blur outside.

You don't know how badly I could've used a friendly voice at this time, but the few people I can call are working or not answering their phone. I was going to turn on the radio, but I remember from somewhere that if you are stuck in the snow for any length of time you are supposed to conserve gas and battery power, so I leave it off. Instead, I clean up my car a bit.

A while later, a cop pulls up and motions me to come to his car. I can barely see anything but I run over and hop in his nice warm car. He lets me know that they are closing up the highway because there is zero visibility, that they are cancelling all tows, and asks what hotel I want to be taken to in Fargo. I gather my bags quickly as the storm sandblasts (iceblasts?) my face raw and stash them in the back of the cruiser. The 10 miles back to Fargo takes 45 minutes because we can barely see the road at all.

Finally he drops me off at the hotel, and I check in quickly. I am exhausted and starving by this point. I call up Pizza Hut since I can't go anywhere with my car in a ditch 10 miles up the road. They cancelled deliveries tonight. So did Dominoes and Little Ceasars. I go to the front desk and ask them about close restaraunts. They called the two nearby for me, and they're already closed. The supermarket a block and a half away is closed too. Nobody is supposed to be on the road anymore tonight due to the storm.

So here I am, sitting in my hotel room with my scrounged dinner. A handful of mints and a can of Sprite. I am supposed to be in Grand Forks at 9AM, and I can't get a towing company to schedule picking me up and getting to my car ditch. They tell me they'll put my name on a list and we'll see when they can get to me in the morning.

I'm so tired, stressed, hungry, and frustrated, that I had to do something or go fucking bonkers, so I blogged. I don't fucking get paid enough for getting my sex and social life annihilated, being forced to deal with unrealistic expectations from my company and some of the people I deal with, and have no option but to make my scheduled appointments no matter how bad the weather, or how ill I could get. If I allow myself to get all wound up here, I probably would curl up in bed and start crying. That's why I'm venting profusely tonight. After this, I'll eat my mints, drink my beverage, take a nice hot shower, then veg out watching the History Channel. Maybe I'll even work up the energy for a quick jerk before I fall asleep, but it ain't fucking likely.

Anyway, thanks for lending me your shoulder tonight. I needed it. Feel free to whisper soothing things in my ear if you want.

Monday, November 28, 2005

More Theater

You'll have to live with the past couple days of posts today. I got 2 hours of sleep yesterday, and I have a 10-12 hour drive that I will be starting at 6:30AM tomorrow morning. I'll be lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep tonight. For some reason, my brain is still in overdrive. Something made me remember a set of lyrics from the Eels.

Life is hard, and so am I.
You better give me something, before I die.

No clue where it's coming from tonight, but I don't have the time to try and figure it out. Hopefully I will get to my hotel in Grand Forks with some energy. I need to take some time to revamp my blog.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Insomnia Theater

The time here is 5AM and I still haven't slept a wink tonight. I don't have anything in particular on my mind, either. Since I didn't have any caffeine yesterday or anything that would affect my sleep, I probably have something going on in my subconscious. Since my brain is in a perpetual state of fast forward, I can sometimes channel some of that internal dialog into background noise. The trouble is that I'm still thinking and dwelling on it anyway.

In other words, something is bugging the shit outta the back corners of my mind and I can't stop it. It's kinda like when you get a cricket in your house and you never see it, but as soon as the lights go off, it starts chirping like crazy. Rather than dwelling on whatever is in the back of my head AND that I can't sleep, I thought I'd type for a while and try sleeping again. I have to rest up since Monday I have to be well rested enough for a 10-12 hour drive to North Dakota.

Since we hit stupidity in general yesterday, I thought I'd share a little pharmacy story which does a pretty good job of explaining why all of those sub-par IQ's are spawning. This comes directly from the pharmacist on the spot.

Back in the late 70's (the pharmacist in question is nearly 60 now) they kept condoms behind the counter and tried to be as professional as possible when someone asked for them. One day, this young guy comes up to the counter who looked nervous as hell. The pharmacist kinda guesses what's probably going on, but since it's the kid's first time buying condoms he stifles a smile and goes into professional mode.

"How may I help you, sir?" says the pharmacist.

The young guy replies, "I uh... would like to buy.... some condoms."

"Certainly, sir. Six, twelve, or thirty-six?"

The young guy looks puzzled. With great hesitation he replies, "Inches?"

All I can say is that I hope his girlfriend knew more about sex than he did. With his level of knowledge, he might not know what part to cover with the condom. Also, if there is someone out there who is packing a yard of cock, I am very, very scared.

Anyway, hope you got a laugh outta it. Reading it is certainly a lot less amusing than hearing this guy tell it, but unless you're coming out to the bar with me on a Wednesday, this'll have to do.

I think it's time to head back to bed. I might actually sleep this time instead of lying there by myself in a quiet room. They say miracles can happen, right?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Winter warning-land

I've lived in Wisconsin for most of my life. Nobody has had to tell me to avoid lake and pond ice at the beginning of winter. I just know it isn't a good idea to get on a lake that hasn't been frozen over for a few weeks minimum. Today I read here that just like every winter, some people have forgotten the rules again. I feel bad for the kids who just wanted to scate on the ice, but the dad should've known better. Instead, they are the first this year to fall through and die on the ice.

These people bug the hell outta me, tho. They are the reason my toaster came with a warning stating "Do not use in shower." Well, duh! Or the warning that comes on Windex that says, "Do not spray in eyes." The sad thing, is that I can almost hear the frightening thought pattern that leads to the Windex warning.

"Hmmm, my contacts are sure blurry today. I need to soak them in the cleaning stuff, but I forgot to buy some at WalMart. I know, this Windex stuff cleans my windows really good and fast. I bet it will work on my contacts so I can watch this NASCAR race." *spray spray* "Why do my eyes feel like they're burning?" *screams for 911*

So, instead of letting natural selection do it's job, we make everything safer with larger warning labels. You can't find a decent beach these days that doesn't have signs every 50 or 100 feet warning you about sun, riptides, sharks, or not to swim after a meal. I'm sorry, but that's what my mom was for when I was 5. I don't need this constant visual reminder of the stupid people out there.

So, soon every lake and pond will have signs on it saying "Stay off lake even when it's iced over. You are no longer allowed to have fun since some of you are too stupid, and we don't want the liability."

Time to kill the lawyers, and let evolution take it's path. We need to chlorinate the gene pool. People need life lessons here, not warnings and fear in their lives.

Who's with me?

Friday, November 25, 2005

Idiots on parade

I'm officially working today, and it's great. I had the option to use a vacation day and take the day off, but why would I want to? This is the slowest day of the year and since I'm not in an office (I work from home when I'm not training) I can relax, check email, take one or two calls, and spend most of the day just doing things I want to around the house.

So, I'm starting out my busy day with some blogging. Then I'll clean my bathroom, dust the house, and oil my pistol (I'll leave that to your imagination). Once I have that done, with a few calls thrown in, I'll play games on the computer. I don't want to even try driving today with all of those commerce infused idiots out there.

Now, I know there are supposedly good sales out there today. I don't see how ANY savings would be worth fighting all of those crowds, tho. I dread the idiots in all aspects. They are driving, shopping, dining, and everything else. I'm just going to avoid going out until Sunday hits where I think I'll go to the bar to catch a football game and a few beers.

Monday I will be leaving for Grand Forks, North Dakota. I hope to get a few interesting photos from this trip, since I know someone who just made a trip along the route I took and found some damn funny stuff. I'll be looking for it along my way, because I'm not quite sure some of those tales are true. I'll wait before telling you more, until I have pictures that is. Don't you wish you were me and driving to northeastern ND?

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Show your Thanks

Freedom is the most overlooked value in America. Most people have forgotten that freedom is not free. Many brave people have died to defend it. Unfortunately, many more will die in it's defense because we don't live in a perfect world.

Try to think of all of the things freedom provides you. You can buy what you want, where you want. You can live how you want to and where you want to. You can raise your kids the way you want to. You can read what you want. You can say what you want. I think that last is the most important one. I love my country because I have the right to hate it.

The people who are willing to put their lives on the line for this freedom, deserve our thanks at the very least. Rather than supporting our troops by buying a crappy magnetic ribbon for your SUV which only gives a few pennies to military charities, give them something to really support them. The USO has a great way of showing the troops that the people back home really care. You can read more about how to donate and give the troops something they really need here. I have one squad covered, but there are many, many more out there. Think of them as you enjoy your turkey, stuffing, and wine, then donate.

Booty Call

I'm not sure if I should be flattered, frustrated, both, or something completely different by something that's been going on and off for the past few years. One of my ex-girlfriends who is out of state calls or emails me when she gets horny. Not her current boyfriend, or any other ex boyfriends, but me.

Other than the last girlfriend in my life, I have had very cordial breakups and usually can remain friends with my ex's. This friendship doesn't tend to last much past the next boyfriend, because of the awkward nature of that dynamic, but I do have a couple lifetime friendships because of this. Maybe I do so well because I realize that you can't make someone love you and even if both people love each other, they might not be able to live together. I also don't give in to anger and say hurtful things to my ex's. I still don't understand why things are the way they are, but I try not to be a cock about it.

So, when the one ex-girlfriend calls me out the blue, it isn't too surprising. She was in a good mood and was chatty as hell which is great. Then she started flirting, which certainly feels good to me. It's nice to know that someone wants you. After that, she went to full on horny. While I was driving around taking care of errands, of course. Bad luck on Erik's side means no mutual phone fun for me. Oh well, she had a good time.

Here's what I probably am thinking too much about and should let go, but I'm not letting go quite yet. "Erik, I wish you would come visit again soon. I want to talk with you more often." Seems innocent enough, but it's bugging me. So, I'm going to let you guys comment on what you think and here are a few questions from me to get it all started.

1. Should I stop looking this gift horse in the mouth and just enjoy the fun and frolic that will come from a visit to this gal?

2. Should I go out of my way to visit her? For anyone not paying attention, this is the only gal that's wanted me that I know of in the last 2 years. My last visit was over a year ago, which is far, far too long.

3. Why do I feel so damn frustrated by this situation?

I need answers and suggestions here people. Feel free to post or email comments, suggestions, and any questions you might have.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A taste of things to come

This is part of the reason I was thinking about Christmas. I had to drive through northern Wisconsin during the first snowstorm of the year for a business trip. For the most part, it was a good drive despite the weather. This is the view from my Dad's lake home's driveway as of last week. It still looks like this more or less right now as well. Here in Milwaukee it's just warm enough for things to still look like fall for now. Pretty good for the last full week of November.

I am bracing myself for the next few months. I might need to head out to someplace warm on vacation once I have time. On the other hand, I have people that I would like to visit when my schedule slows down again. I'll have over a full month of vacation saved up at the beginning of 2006, so I'll have the time. I just need to be free. I'm already scheduled out now until the last week January. Isn't that just sickening? I need a fucking break, among many other things.

Finally, the Monday night game just finished up. A bitter end for my Packers. The only good thing is that the field in my football pool just opened up since most people bet heavily on the Packers. Being a long time Packer fan, I knew better. My gut said that it's iffy all the way and I bet accordingly. I take my consolation where I can find it, tho.

I need a beer.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Bah Humbug, Pt. 3

Here's my final bitch session about Christmas. As much as I've been tearing down the people who go completely nuts over it, I really need to point out the people who are Christmas haters.

Last year in one of the suburbs of Milwaukee, someone threw a huge fit at their son or daughter's school. They were singing Christmas songs for their Christmas concert. Gasp!

Of course, the reason they were offended officially was because most of the Christmas songs have references to Jesus and God, and it was a public school. You know, this psychotic parenting scares me. I agree that there's a separation between church and state, but these are songs that this kid has already heard hundred of times in his life, and it's not like they are handing out bibles with the fucking songs. Most schools can't even call it Christmas break anymore. They have to refer to it as Winter Break. The Political Correctness Police need to shut the fuck up, I'm thinking.

The place I used to work for before my current job was doing the same damn thing. Instead of calling the holiday "Christmas", they wanted to be politically correct and call it "December 25th Day". What. The. Fuck?

I heard a story of a mall in California where people were protesting because they had a mall Santa Claus. Someone got a bug up their ass all because Santa is supposedly a Christian icon that promotes their religion. These days, Santa is more a symbol of the how Christmas became a way to get people to spend money more than anything else. Corporate greed is the name of game here. How can you get pissed at Santa, anyway? He eats shitloads of cookies, and gives out lots of gifts. Sounds like my kinda guy.

So as a wrap up, here's my Christmas Commandments-

1. Thou shalt not decorate or promote Christmas before Thanksgiving.
2. Thou shalt not annoy the shit out of Erik with your insanely excessive holiday glee.
3. Thou shalt not cover thy house in a ton of tacky Christmas crap.
4. Thou shalt not cause power outages or temporary blindness with your light display.
5. Thou shalt not be a whiny bitch about Christmas being a religious holiday. It isn't anymore.
6. Thou shalt not piss off Santa.

Spread the Commandments and educate the masses.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Bah Humbug, Pt. 2

I couldn't have asked for a better set up. Without knowing, Jo opened the gates to my next pet peeves. Outdoor lights and decorations.

First of all, we have the fools who clutter their yard, patio, roof and any other possible surface with crap. These are not the people who put up a tasteful manger scene, or maybe even a small version of Santa and his sleigh. We are talking about the people who have 8 floodlights going to highlight all the crap. They have a manger scene, Santa, plastic gingerbread men, nutcrackers, an everything else that remotely Christmasy. I've driven by one house this year that is already set in this way. There had to have been at least 100 cheap plastic candy canes all over this lawn and house. I say we gather 100 people together, each pick up one candy cane, and beat him with it.

On a side note here, I love the new Capital One commercial. I crack up every time I see the one pillager shooting plastic reindeer with a crossbow. The look on his face is priceless. I think they may be on to something here...

Now lets talk about lights. Unlike the crap people put in their yard, I like Christmas lights when they're done tastefully. Tastefully being the operative word here. If you have one string of lights over your porch and that's it, don't bother. It just doesn't look good. Quantity is not a determining factor here, tho. If your neighborhood browns out when you turn on your light display, you need to limit yourself a bit.

I'm glad that I no longer live on a street where people need to try to outdo each other on the amount of lights draped across their homes. I used to live on one, and I had to keep the blinds closed at all hours thanks to those idiots. More is not better here. Plus it irritated the crap out of me when the same people would bitch about energy costs two months later. If you want to keep it down, try not putting up enough lights to run a small city, you asshat.

Tomorrow- Christmas rants III, the final chapter. Commentary welcome as always...

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Bah Humbug, Pt. 1

Why is Christmas starting earlier every year? Living in Wisconsin, I'm used to seeing outdoor decorations like lights being set up in November because nobody wants to be putting them up in freezing cold temperatures. However, people don't turn on the lights until Thanksgiving is behind us at least.

Indoors, you shouldn't be setting up a damn thing until the week after Thanksgiving. Hell, I remember when they didn't start setting up stores and the mall for Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving. Not anymore.

The fuckers are already jamming Christmas down my throat. I'm already sick of Christmas commercials. I saw my first Christmas display up in a local store before Halloween was over. A radio station here in town has already gone to a 24-7 Christmas music format. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Don't get me wrong here, I like Christmas. I love giving gifts and getting together with friends and family to drink, eat, watch football, and hang out in general. As much as I like it, you can only sustain the holiday spirit for a week or so. I've heard the same Christmas music every year for the last 30 years, so after hearing it all of Christmas eve and day, I'm good for another year. I need to get my Christmas shopping done quick so I don't have to deal with major crowds, christmas carols, and the malls looking like Father Christmas threw up all over them.

So, to all of those people so full of the Christmas spirit that it's coming out their ass, turn off your "all Christmas all fucking day" radio stations, burn those god-awful holiday sweaters, and don't even think of Kringle-ing my apartment complex or any of the places I will be working until the week before Christmas. You have been warned.

Note: This is part one of my Christmas rant.. I think I have one or two more full posts on this in my head. We'll see how it turns out. Let me know if my holiday angst is justified or not... or any other interesting thoughts...

Friday, November 18, 2005

Great lines

I love music and I love sexual innuendo. Put the two together, and I'm having a good day. I was listening to the radio up here and the best station was a classic rock station. There are so many good lines from that style of music. Here's a few of my favorites from this morning:

She don't eat meat, but she sure like the bone. --Deadeye Dick

She told me to come, but I was already there. --AC/DC

The bitch is hungry
She needs to tell
So give her inches
And feed her well. -- Scorpions

Those are just the ones I remember from the hour drive in to the place I was training today. Have any lines that amuse you along the same lines? Let me know.

Otherwise, I got to fix up a place that spent 2 years doing something wrong. When I showed them what they had been doing wrong, the person I was training got a look of "Holy shit we're fucked" on her face. Luckily there was a way to look up the records that a previous employee had deleted by her screwed up procedures. When I told the manager of the problem, she nearly fell over. I left there looking like a god, tho.

Over lunch, I got asked about my personal life. Normally I try to brush off most personal questions in a work environment, but I had loaded up on coffee and the gal was one of those generally nice people. I babbled for a half hour about my life, the good, bad, and some of the ugly. I tried to stop myself half a dozen times, and everytime I did, she asked some questions to keep me going. I normally love this kind of conversation, but it felt odd since I was work mode. Luckily, lunch came to an end before I made a fool of myself too badly.

It was wonderfully relaxing, tho. I haven't had a conversation with a real human being in the longest time. I've trained people. Put my thoughts out here and in emails. Said hi to people in passing. I couldn't tell you when I last heard a concerned voice and looked at someone who had empathy in their eyes for me, tho. Don't think I'm discounting those of you who come here, but seeing or hearing a real person has a much more personal connection than text on a screen. I still could've used a hug, tho. It would've been a little inappropriate today because not only was it a work event, but the gal was married. I certainly appreciate what I got, probably more than she'll ever know.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

HNT: Sibling Revelry

Here's a pic from last week of myself and my sister. Despite my glasses reflecting the flash back in a way to make me look possessed, this is a fair representation of me. I look fairly relaxed after the five or six Miller Lites that I'd had before this picture was taken. My sister's identity has been protected to save her the embarassment of being associated with me. *laughs*

I like the shirt that I'm wearing here. The shirt says, "It's only kinky the first time." For all of you who have been advising me on improving my image, this is what I look like most of the time. The button up short sleeved shirt over the t-shirt is new to my wardrobe, tho. This is what you guys have to work with, so if you have more and better advice after seeing this, go right ahead with it. I have no clue if this would help or not. I just am fashion impaired, I guess.

I officially need new jeans, tho. Every time I sit or stand, I have to pull up my pants. I guess I'll be dropping the 34 inch waists for 32 inch waists again. Not that I'm complaining...

Final Note: I am up in northern Wisconsin as I'm writing this. I had to drive through the first snowstorm of the year. Since there wasn't a lot of traffic on the road, it was a surprisingly nice drive. The snow is white and hanging off of branches of the trees. I took a few pictures which I hope to share this weekend after I get home. Despite the weather going from early fall to winter in 3 days, the snow still looks quite beautiful to me. I doubt I'll feel the same way by February.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Under Construction

Well, I'm feeling like experimenting here. I'm going to start putting up a post every day starting on Thursday for at least a month. We'll see what happens. Most likely I will be posting the night before when I have a little extra time.

Hopefully I can get a little sleep between now and then. I am beyond drained. Beyond exhausted. I'm just..




Thursday, November 10, 2005


Nobody seems to be reading this anyway.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Quick thoughts from Chicago

I'm getting ready to go eat, but I thought I'd share a few thoughts before I go.

My sister didn't win anything last night, but we had fun. They opened the VIP areas on a first come first served basis. We got to chill out in luxury since we arrived a little earlier than most. We even had our own waitress, which was nice because the place ended up being packed with all the extra people who showed up for the contest. A few good looking gals were there, but I bet most of the had fake ID's or had just turned 21. I felt a little old, but didn't let it bug me much. The radio people took our pictures, so I'll be checking the website to see if they post it.

On those now infamous cheerleaders, I've heard a lot of dumb jokes about it on tv and the radio, and not one real good joke. After I heard more than just that they were having sex in the bathroom. I came up with one that's better than what the professionals have come up with, I think. Let me know if you agree: Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after a bar fight. Allegedly the brawl was caused after the two prevented other patrons from using the bathroom while they indulged in a lesbian tryst. After the melee, one patron was overheard saying, "The blonde gal was impressive. She took a helluva lickin' before she went down."

It sounded damn funny in my head.

Final thought: I was listening to some Mindless Self Indulgence on my drive to Chicago. The album doesn't have a lyric sheet, but I think I figured out a set of lyrics that described me at that moment quite well.

I am educated
Extra caffinated
I just masturbated
Now I'm motivated

MSI is a very high speed band, so it's hard to tell. If you like rock/punk/techno, you may like them. The album I was listening to was called "You'll rebel to anything... as long as it isn't challenging". Not their best album, but it has some good lines in it. My favorite is this little couplet- "You're telling me that fifty million screaming fans are never wrong. I'm telling you that fifty million screaming fans are fucking morons." I'm showing my disdain of popular culture, tho. I better get some food in me so I can relax the rest of the evening. Take care.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bodyguard Duty

My sister is entered in a radio station contest, and the drawing is tonight. You have to be present to win and the prize is quite nice, but her boyfriend is out of town. She asked me to come along with her, but didn't really say why. I suppose she didn't have to, really. Even though Milwaukee isn't a dangerous place, there aren't too many gals who like to be out by themselves. So, I get to be a bodyguard tonight.

I don't see myself as someone who could be a reassuring presence against danger. I still have a hard time realizing I'm not the kid back in high school who was 5'8" and weighed 120lbs soaking wet. I now have mass and a good deal of presence. I've been known to sit down at a bar and get people to move down because I'm taking up more room than most people and they want more space.

I do have that alpha male mentality. Not in an aggressive way I think, but in an "I make my own choices and rules" sort of way. I have stared down people trying to cause trouble, and stay cool doing it. I'm usually at my best when there's a crisis happenning for some reason. Maybe it's because I usually think too much, but in crisis mode I can bring everything I have to bear on whatever needs to be taken care of. I'm not quite good at being a leader all of the time, but when things are FUBARed I step up, take control, and get it done.

Back to what's going on tonight, there are three good things that could happen tonight. One is my sister would win, and that means I would have an apartment to myself by February. Another is that I could get entered to win (which comes with a few nice prizes itself) and possibly could win the big prize which would give me lots o' treats AND and apartment to myself by February. There's an even smaller chance that I might meet up with a gal and get a number or get laid. Even if none of the above happens, I still could have a good time. If nothing else, the drinks are on her tonight.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Life on the download

I have a bit of time while my files download, so here's what I've been up to the last few days.

I'm trying not to jump the gun here, but I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel here. I just hope it's not the headlights of a train. Speaking of trainwrecks, I think I saw the ex-gf while running to the store the other day. She looked a little frazzled with her kid in tow and probably 50 pounds heavier. Normally I have good relations with my ex's, but this particular one owes me $4000 and knows it. I'm never going to see that money now that she's married to a real winner and has a kid. Oh well...

Saturday I played airsoft with my team. Since we play mil-sim (military simulation) we loaded up for a full day in the field. The cheap fiction of the game was that a US pilot went down in North Korea and needed extraction. By virtue of a coin flip, I was North Korean. During the day I made two kills, so it was a fairly good day. The guy in charge of our team has the best deadpan voice I know of. When the radio went off asking to speak to the commander, this guy answered, "Commanding Officer Major Phat Ho here, awaiting orders." After 10 seconds or so, he repeated himself. The game judge finally replied, "You'll get your orders when I stop laughing." I know half of Alpha team was in the same shape. Only bad thing was that it started pouring as soon as the called the game as over. This would've been fine if we had been near our cars then. Unfortunately, we were on the south end of the 65 acres we had been playing on and our cars were on the north side. At least I had been smart enough to pack clothes to change into once I got back to the car.

I was and still am physically sore from 6 hours in the field. My knees are bruised from taking cover and doing low crawls under fire. It was nice to tire myself out physically like that, tho. I actually slept a full 8 hours Saturday night, which I probably haven't done in 3 weeks. Last night I wasn't so lucky. Back to 4 hours of sleep.

Despite not going to the gym for the last month, I was in surprisingly good shape. I even was able to fit in my medium waist BDU pants comfortably instead of the large that I had been using. I know I'm getting near buying a totally new set of jeans since the ones with a 34 waist are getting damn loose. I keep feeling like I have to pull up my pants. Not that I'm complaining.

Anyway, the download is just about over so I better finish up a thing or two and get back to work.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Wood, working, and action

I saw this driving out of Chicago last night and just had to share.

In more than one way, I'm like the Energizer bunny. I just keep going, and going, and going...

I surprise myself because of what I manage to be able to do despite being exhausted, and how well I manage to do it. Despite huge obstacles from the customer I was training, I got everything covered that I could with the problems he had. Once again, I'm taking care of an emergency simply because the guy in charge of this place is inept and hasn't gotten his job done.

When you think of all the necessary tools in a pharmacy, the top ones on the list are drugs, computers, printers, and labels. The guy had one computer and his own personal laptop. That's all. I know his pharmacy wasn't open yet, but if you are paying someone to come in and train you on how to use the computer to run a place, you'd want to have all of the equipment. Not this guy.

The guy was always late, too. I don't mind people being 5 minutes late, but this guy had me waiting 30-45 mins. If I am going to work 14-16 hour days and only get 4-6 hours of sleep a night for most of a week to get you up and running, you damn well better not waste my time. Oh well, I did all I could for him and if he complains I took the time (because I had it while I waited) to take pictures that show an empty pharmacy and a clock you can see the hands of. I am hoping he does complain because I'd like to see his face when the regional manager emails him my pictures. I get a little vicious when people fuck with my sleep. Although if they're fucking up my sleep to fuck, that's a whole different story.

Anyway, I'm heading into the woods to play some mil-sim tomorrow and hopefully I'll get a couple pictures from that. If I'm not too tired afterwards, I may put up an after action report here. Who knows? I must be in an innuendo mood since I was thinking of other kinda of action to report about, too. I'm sure I'm rambling today, so don't mind me... Take care

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Comfortably numb

Well, my week at home has now become 2 days at home. I have to be back in Chicago next week Wednesday. The week after that I have to spend two days in Des Moines, and two days in St. Paul. I'm waiting for them to fill up the week after that so I'll be gone for Thanksgiving, too.

I should really stay at this hotel when I come back next week, tho. I could do my Christmas shopping for the admittedly few women in my life at Tiffany's and blow them away on Christmas Day. I like to please people too much sometimes, I think. I need to start being a selfish bastard on occaision... who am I kidding, tho?

I've hit the point of exhaustion that I enjoy compared to the rest of it. I'm deeply weary and sore all over, but I just don't care anymore. My mind is focusing on what I feel I need and want to do, and is quieting the parts that cause any turmoil. I still can't get to sleep any easier, tho. I need to sleep a full day or two to catch up on all the sleep I missed over the last month.

This is the point where I feel like I'm watching TV or something. I'm reacting to what's happenning around me but I'm not in conscious control. I'm more in subconscious control of what's going on, if that makes any sense at all. You'll have to let me know.

For those of you dropping in on HNT, sorry again. Come to Milwaukee with a case of beer this weekend and you can have all of the nekkidness you want. Otherwise, you'll just have to wait until someone takes their thumb off the fast forward button.