Good/Bad

Not sure if anyone is bothering to check for new posts anymore since I've been quiet. I guess we'll see.

My mom's loser boyfriend is out of her house finally. Bad news is that it took a cardiac event that left him a vegetable. Mom is feeling guilty because this happened just before he was to be out of the house. I don't feel that way, tho. This guy knew he had heart trouble. He knew his heart was out of rhythm days before it happened. He could've made it to the doctor, or gone to the emergency room to fix it. Instead he waited. It's too bad they got to him just in time to save him, but not his brain. I'd rather be dead than be a vegetable.

On the other side of the coin, my friend who works at the same place I do just found out his wife is pregnant. He's still a little blown away by the whole thing. Needless to say, he's been drinking a little heavier as of late. It should be interesting to see him be a dad since he's kinda a big kid to begin with. Reminds me of myself in that respect.

Now I'm wondering where the hell I'm at in this little path called life. I don't know. I'm just going to hide here under the covers. Let life come looking for me since I can't seem to find it.

100 years ago

When somebody else has said something better than you can, use a quote. Here's one I read recently which sums up my feelings on things.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

--- Theodore Roosevelt, 1907

Too true, Teddy. Too true.

And I still don't have much to say. A social life is only in my imagination.

Last week's title is from Korn's "Counting".

So I'm saying nothing. Each day taking that much more.

I'm just not talking much these days. I kinda shut myself down for a while. It's somewhat relaxing to just not care about anything. To rip off a song lyric, I have become comfortably numb. Only without the drugs.

So I've slipped into a comfortable niche that I don't know if I really want to get out of. I eat. I sleep. I work. I go to the gym. I play games when I get home. I'm safe in my protective blanket of apathy.

I don't worry about disappointing others. Other people can't disappoint me either, tho. I don't care what fuck-up of a politician is getting elected today. I don't care who kills my Packers this week. I could care less what stupid people do.

I don't get hurt this way. And I'm really tired of being hurt.

Last week's title came from a song called "Speechless" from Helmet. Bonus points if you figure this one out.

Late Edit: Down to 212. I'm not losing weight anymore, but I'm halfway to having up tighten up my belt one notch. So I must be losing fat and gaining muscle. I'm cool with that.