Teeter-tottering between brilliance and insanity

I'm here at work typing this one up. Two hours into my shift and I have taken a whopping 6 calls. I've spent most of my time here so far reading and blasting music to stay awake since I didn't grab any coffee this morning. Gwar is up on the iPod right now. It amuses me to think what would happen if anyone would show up right now. I'm not even wearing my shoes right now and have my feet kicked up on the file cabinet. Might as well be comfortable here, right?

Not too much on my mind today really. Normally I might be checking what would be happening in football, but this year I feel is a lost cause. The Packers are teh suck this season. I haven't even watched one football game sadly enough, not even with Madden.

I guess I caught one story about football that was mildly amusing. The whole TO thing amuses me. Not for the usual reasons most people have. I'm not interested in if he was trying to kill himself or not. The thing that amused me was the spin on the bottle of vicodin. First off, the bottle was supposedly empty when it should have been nearly full. The explaination? He took the pills out of the bottle and put them in a drawer. Maybe this is just me, but who the fuck does that? Everyone I know tosses that little orange bottle in the bathroom or on the desk or something, but nobody takes the pills out to put uncovered in a drawer.

The other thing that amused me was as soon as the word vicodin was mentioned, reporters flocked to Brett Favre to get his opinion on the whole thing. If I was him, I would have suggested a beer to go with that vicodin. Might as well give advice on how to make a good Brett Favre cocktail. *laughs*

On another topic, I keep thinking about making the true american business. I want to form the Big Ass company. "Big Ass" would be company's name. Just think of all the products you could sell under that name. You know that Big Ass condoms would fly off the shelf. Get the US Army interested in some Big Ass guns and Big Ass bombs. With how people eat these days, you can't tell me that Big Ass food products wouldn't sell well. Who could pass up a Big Ass steak with a Big Ass baked potato on the side? You'd probably have to modify the name a little for the urban market, but I bet the Phat Azz clothing line would do well. Maybe get the rapper of the hour to do the comercials tellin' all dem ho's to back dat Phat Azz up. Pure genius, I say. I bet you guys could come up with even more Big Ass products that would do well.

Let me know what you think. Bonus points for knowing where the title comes from.
PS- 40 minutes of tinkering with this post and not one call. And they're paying me for this.

Thoughts from work

Yaay... I have off Wednesday!

For the joy of having Wednesday off, I have to work the weekend, but that isn't bad. 6 Hours on Saturday, and on call on Sunday. I may even watch the pregame with a beer in hand while taking a call on Sunday.

Saturday might be a rough day. I'll be in the office all by myself and the pace is very slow usually from what I hear. I may have to go to the bookstore tomorrow because I've run through the 7 books I purchased recently. Should be interesting since it will be my first time doing a weekend by myself.

Recently, the lottery here was really getting up there. I enjoyed that common daydream that we all have of winning a huge sum of money and what I'd do. Just about everyone would call in rich. That's a fun thought, but there are too many people counting on me that I actually like. I think I'd have much more fun if I put in my resignation. I'd tell them that I would work for one more month and then I was gone. Having put that in writing, I'd be the most amusing coworker there was. Since I'm helpdesk right now, I'd love the opportunity to tell people how inept they really are, and be quite blunt in the fact that they know everything I'm telling them already, they just don't want to think. The great part about my plan is that if they decide to fire me, they still would have to pay me for the full month of pay.

The only problem with my just is the really stupid people I'm forced to deal with. The other day I took four calls from one person, who if they had dome what I told them to do the first time, there wouldn't have been the need for the other three calls. You would think that people asking for help would pay attention to the help given, but no. It amazes me sometimes.

I'd think that everyone that works for my company is stupid, but I realize that I probably don't get to talk to the smart people because they actually know what they are doing, and never have the need to call me. Oh well.

Just curious, who's the stupidest person you've worked with and what was the dumbest things they did?

Tense, then release.

Just to go on a little about the bad relationships people get into that I was ranting about the other day...

I was in the grocery store on Friday, and while waiting in line, I saw a cute gal walk by me. For some reason, she looked familliar but I couldn't recognize her. Another weird thing I noticed is that she stared at the floor making sure there was no eye contact between anyone and herself. She also had a split lip which bothered me on principal. I have that old fashioned belief that you should never hit a woman.

She walked over to a cart with a baby seat that was maybe 30 or 40 feet away. Once she got there next to her boyfriend, she looked over at the baby and her face finally lit up. That's when I recognized her. I never had seen her timid or not smiling before. She used to work at the bar I go to, and she was a very pretty woman. She was also the type to look you straight in the eye.

Seeing the way her abusive boyfriend had beaten her beauty away pissed me off. I wanted to go over there and inflict some serious damage on the fucker. They left as I was thinking of jumping the line and beating the guy. I was so enraged to see this that I lost my appetite. I didn't sleep well friday night either.

I got a chance to blow off some steam today, tho. Today was an airsoft game. Running around 65 acres while getting to shoot people is always a relaxing day. Plus it burns a huge amount of energy, too. Right now I'm drained. I bet tomorrow that I'll just about be unable to doanything without some major motivation. Wonder what that could be? *laughs*

I think I'm going to have a glass or two of wine tonight. To guarantee that I'm dead asleep for a long time. Anyone who wants my attention tomorrow, bring over some italian or something to drink. I'm not going anywhere. Take it easy...

Fuck everyone

That's what I said. Fuck you. Fuck your ma. Fuck everyone.

People "value" me for my opinion then don't listen to a damn thing I say. People tell me how nice I am and how I'll find the right person which only seems to make them feel better. I've been told how I need to go out more and meet new people.

I'm angry as hell right now. I deserve better than this. I'm a great guy. I treat people like i want to be treated. I help people I care about no matter the consequence to me.

People lie, cheat, steal and worse all the time, and find love again and again. This makes me ill. People should be rewarded for the good they do. Chivalry, honor, and honesty should be praised. These days it's all about the exterior appearance and how many lies they can weave for you. They sure as hell don't want to hear the truth anymore.

Thinking about the truth and what I've been asked lately, here are a few gems of truth that probably aren't being listened to:

- He's a cop. He has 3 girlfriends already including you. Why the fuck do you think he'll dump any of them to just be with you? He also talks about you behind your back and insults you in front of your friends. Please let me know why you bothered to get back with him.

- Settle down, relax, and try not to freak about every little nuance. People are all different. You have to let loose, be yourself and see what happens. If you ask my opinion, you're going to get the truth as I see it.

- No, he's not good for you. Keeping you away from your friends and trying to control your life is NOT a good thing. Chances are that he'll never change his ways for you. Since he's sleeping around and you know it, don't let him stop using condoms. And if you ever say "I wish that Paul was more like you, Erik" again, I will give you my own personal mushroom shaped bruise of disapproval.

The names have been protected because even when I'm angry, I'm not a total ass unlike some people. Does anyone know where I'm coming from and/or have advice? Does any of this make sense? Is anyone even reading this anymore?

Let me know.

Comedy and Tragedy

Looks like 5 models were sent home from Madrid because they were too skinny. England is also thinking of enforcing the same rules. Reading out it this morning brought a brief smile to my face.

If you want an even bigger smile, just read the headline here. You'd think that the editor would catch something like that.

I haven't been too cheery as of late. I've been listening to many people talk about their various relationship problems. I don't mind it normally. I have strong shoulders and have never minded having a gal cry and lean on them. I might as well help people out since I'm a good listener, right?

I am getting downright crabby because I'm listening to the problems of others and realizing how despite all of the problems involved in them, I want to be back in the mix. I suppose I'm silly to think that I'm going to find anyone soon since I haven't had any luck in the last couple years.

I keep wondering what I have to offer. I can list off some of my finer qualities, but I've had these qualities for quite some time. The funny thing is that people that live farther away from me seem to have a much higher opinion of me as well. Women seem to be attracted to me only if they live 300+ miles away. Odd, right?

To quote a song here, "If I'm so wonderful then why am I so misunderstood? Everybody has a reason for it except me."

So what's your reason?

Real women 1; Skinny bitches 0

Normally, I'm not a big fan of Spain. However after reading this, I have a whole new respect for that country. You have to smile when you see that they revoke the work visas for scrawny-assed models. Send them back to wherever they are from. Maybe even give them a free sammich. Of course, they'd probably just throw it away. Or up if they were forced to eat it.

I still am scared by how worried women are about their weight. I'm not saying it's good to be 5'6" and 200 pounds. I wouldn't say it's healthy to be 5'6" and 90 pounds either. If you're somewhere in the middle, then don't worry so much. The models and celebrities you see A. are scrawny as hell, B. have a lot more time than you or I to go to the gym, C. are messed up by agents to think that 2% body fat is too fat.

Personally, I think it's getting bad. I used to see Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues and be interested. These days the models look emaciated. Just a hint to SI, give those girls sammiches too, because I really don't want to see their ribs. If you need a hint, go back and look up Kathy Ireland. No ribs there.

I suppose that brings me to the other thing I have a problem with the new models. No tits. Not unless they're bought and paid for. When the girls get that skinny, they have no boobs, no hips, no curves. You might as well just put a guy in a bikini at that point. There's just nothing feminine going on there. Yuck.

Give me an all natural, all American girl anytime. Preferably soon. Very soon.

Better than Miss Cleo

I'm nursing a bit of a hangover today, which is helping to make this day really drag on. Maybe it's the general headache, but this morning it seemed like every other driver on the road was a complete moron. I was cut off by idiots who were trying to get around other cars by pulling into the parking lane and nearly hitting my bumper when they swerved back in to avoid hitting a parked car. Geniuses at work.

Once again, I did not receive a call from my dad on my birthday. Sure, my stepmom sent a card. I still think even a 2 minute call is required for a family birthday. Am I wrong? It was a very lackluster year for birthdays, too. Nobody wanted to rock out and celebrate with me. So what if you have a hangover in the morning? Life goes on...

Interesting bit o' news: The cute bartender is single again. She expected the cop she was dating to get all romantic and not just want her for her body. I know I said she's smart before, and I think she still is. She is just very naieve about some things. And the guys she chooses to date all take advantage of that. While I doubt there is a chance to get out of the friend zone with her, I still can hope. I don't exactly have any other interesting prospects on the horizon.

I know I seem to have low self esteem most of the time, but I'm very picky about the women I get interested in. I refuse to go for a gal that's below my standards. So maybe I do have low self esteem, but I have a good sense of self worth. I dunno.

Back on the cute bartender topic. I told a friend of mine a week or so ago that I expected her to break up with the guy in less than 4 weeks, but 6 weeks on the outside. When I got the news yesterday, I had to hold back until she had to go to the other side of the bar to tell my friend that I called it. He was somewhat amazed. I wasn't at all. As long as I'm not involved, I seem to be able to see what the outcome is for most people's relationships. I usually can see what's going to happen even if I'm involved if I'm not too close. It sucks being smart. You can see things happen before they really do, and all you can do is watch the trainwreck unfold.

3... 2... 1... We have liftoff

Say hello to the birthday boy. I turned 31 as of a few hours ago, although you'd hardly know it with how out of control I let my inner child get. I was supposed to grow up at some point, but I missed the memo that put it into effect. That's ok, I'm a toys r us kid anyway. *grins*

How do I celebrate my birthday? I go to work. At least the virus that's been rampaging through the computer system at work seems to be taken care of so far. I haven't felt the need to bang my head on the desk to render myself unconscious once today. Things are looking for the moment, although it's still early in the day.

I haven't decided if I'm going to get a few drinks after work tonight, or if I'm just going to save up and enjoy my birthday drinks at the bar tomorrow. I'm leaning closer to waiting until tomorrow since I had more than a few last night. Besides, if I'm not home the exotic dancers won't know where to find me. *laughs* Yeah, right...

Side note here, I've been really slacking on working out lately. I need to get my ass back into the gym regularly. I think if I hit the gym after work on my way home I should be good. I just need to get into the habit of doing that. Regular gym attendance will probably wait until next week unless I get adventurous and start that on Thursday. We shall see how hung over I'll be after Wednesday.

6...5...4 Guidance is internal...

Work has been hell for the past few days. My current position is as a helpdesk specialist. I fix other people's mistakes on their computer. Not too bad of a job normally. This week however, we got the update from hell.

If you work at any decent sized business with an IT department, you get updates internally. They upgrade and install patches on all the software you use from Windows itself to your antivirus software. It also does this without any permission from you, the end user. It's meant to load quietly by itself so you can continue to do your job.

Someone from our IT department either messed up horribly, or decided to give the company a cock slapping. Either way, they had a virus in the last update. It went to every clinic, hospital, office, and pharmacy in the company. The virus got worse when it attached itself to various ports. Every time a computer attaches itself to that port, it gets the virus. They can clean the port, but if an infected computer attaches itself to the port, the port gets reinfected. Fun, eh?

Normally we use 8-12% of our ports capacity. The virus has this number up to 90% or more. The system is choking and is running at a snails' pace or even better, not at all. Guess who has two thumbs, needs a good shagging, and takes all of these calls? *points at self* This guy.

In between all of the bullshit calls, we get real calls too. Normally these cals don't take very long, maybe 5 minutes tops. Yesterday I got one of those 5 minute calls only with how gummed up the network is, it took me an hour to finish the call. I'd rather be slamming my head against my desk right now.

This morning we are running with 2 people instead of the normal 4 due to the labor day holiday. Between this and my normal problems, I'm seriously going to need some help before the day is over.