Why can't we sleep forever? I just want to start this over

I'm tired (go figure) and a bit dazed. First of all, I was so wound up from all sorts of things that I didn't get to sleep until 4:30am this morning. Only to wake up at 7am to start my drive to drop off the company car at the regional office. It's been a long day.

It was an odd day overall particularly because my boss wasn't even in the office. I got the last few things done, turned in my car, and got dropped off at the airport. I am now home with no car and no job. I'm looking forward to hopefully getting some serious sleep tonight after I post this, and to the trip to the bar tomorrow night. Since I'm not driving, I'm probably going to get good and drunk. I seriously need it.

Anyway, this is absolute crap for a post, but it's all that the mush that is my brain can put together right now. Tomorrow will have more about the week leading up to today and possibly more. I'm bet yer a'tinglin' with excitement. *laughs*

Sweet dreams.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but looking back it's still a bit fuzzy

My weekend was not fun at all. I couldn't sleep for most of it and when I did, it was a little catnap here and there that lasted until another wave o' pain struck. I am wondering how my immune system is holding up right now. With my mood and the stress, I'm surprised that I haven't crashed and burned yet.

I did have a very weird experience last night, tho. I had been up for almost 40 hours at that point since I had gotten my tooth fixed that day and other things had been going on. Days are all blurring together from the last half a week to a week anyway. I was sitting down trying to read a screen to set up my last hotel stays for this and next week. While looking at the monitor, it all started to blur, then weave. After that, things started all going into slow motion for a time, than would swing back to real time. Lots of other weird things started happenning as well which was freaking me out. Good thing that the rational part of my brain kicked in and let me know I was probably hallucinating from the lack of sleep. I've never had that happen before, and all I can say is that if I was hallucinating, I'm damn sure not going to take acid. I can say that not being able to tell what's real and not real is very freaky.

Anyway, I'm alternating between two moods lately. I swing from horny as hell, to very bummed out. Neither is condusive to any work, which is stressing me out firther. Every time I've took a peek at my options, they don't look good. I've been handed a 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10 of many kinds of suits, and I'm forced to play this one out. Anyway, I better get some sleep. Tomorrow I drive back to Des Moines yet again.

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel

Well, it wasn't on purpose, for a purpose, or even today. I hurt like hell, tho. The other day I sat down for some dinner and started looking over my work email. With dinner I got something I normally don't when I'm on the road, dessert. I love chocolate chip cookies and have since I was a kid. When I saw it on the takeout menu that the hotel guy recommended, I had to get it.

I know you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well, dentists tell us that sugary snacks will wreck out teeth, and this cookie decided to step up the time table. After I've nibbled through most of the cookie, I take a bite and start chewing. Crunch! A very hard chunk of baked flour comes between my molars and a chunk breaks off of one of my back teeth.

No medicine I have access to dulls this pain. Due to my job, the only way I can miss work is if I'm in the emergency room so I have to keep working. My dentist is not availible this weekend like most dentists. Since I have to talk all the time to work, my tongue is getting ripped apart by the sharp chunk o' tooth that remains. I'm in for a world of hurt this weekend, there's no doubt about it. I haven't decided if I'm going to get blitzed all weekend, or just grin and bear it. I lean on the grining and bearing side right now only because I have things I need to do that might be tough to pull off if I'm hung over or drunk.

I haven't slept much the past two nights, and I only hope that I'll be so tired this weekend that I'll be able to sleep through most of it.

So, since my job is up in a little over a week, who wants to hide me from the world for a while until I can heal up from the multitudes of stress, pain, and bullshit that I've been dealing with? *shrugs* Just checking...

Temptations of indulgence divides and conquers my mind

I've been slacking in just about every part of my life for the past week. I've worked my ass off and once I've done that, I have no energy or motivation to do anything else. In hotel rooms, I've been doing a little internet browsing, reading then responding to the rare e-mail, and then watched TV with little or no enthusiasm. Once I got back home, I've played a game online, cleaned house, and did my laundry with the same lack of interest. I've been letting the preparation for what comes after I leave my job slide. I feel disconnected from my life and I don't feel the need to plug myself back in.

Obviously I haven't kept up with posting here and now you know why. Not sure if this will make sense to any of you, but I thought I'd try to explain. Maybe my little boost the other week was just a small reprieve from my exhaustion, and it's caught back up with me. I need a more regular "fix", wouldn't you say?

Anyway, I have a story for you from a few years back. It's MLK day, and a few years ago, I was working with a black guy who was probably the coolest temp I've ever worked with. Al was a very friendly guy who was open minded, smart, and had an odd sense of humor. We got along from day one. On MLK day, there was an announcement over a PA system reminding us that it was MLK day and that we should all observe a moment to think about what great things were accomplished in civil rights. We were all in a group when the announcement started and after they finished, Al said out of nowhere, "Martin Luther who?" Most people looked around not sure what to say, and frightened to say anything at all. I held a straight face along with Al until we got back to where we worked where we laughed our asses off.

Questions from left field: Am I too focused on sex for someone who lately is only getting laid every year or so? What do I write do you come here to read? And what's your opinion of me for better or worse? Just curious.

Bonus points for anyone who knows where the title of this post comes from.

Crazy places, people, and thoughts

The place I'm training is located in a former state mental facility, which definately has a very weird feel to the place. There isn't any bars, but it has that extra thick wire "fencing" inside which shows what kind of patients were housed in that area. The solid brick building and the metal bars on the windows give the place an appearance like a jail, only without the cells. Kinda creepy.

On the way home today, I heard stories of Allito's wife leaving the room crying as her husband was grilled by congressmen. It was on right wing radio, which definately showed. My favorite line from one of those Rush Limbaugh wannabes was that attacking Allito like that was un-American. Now, from what I listened to, it was the Democrats trying to shoot down the Republican's pick in any way they could. Unfair to the guy? Probably. Un-American? Hell no.

And to anyone that wants to place me as a Republican or Democrat, or any other affiliation, can it. If it was a Democrat's appointment to the Supreme Court, the Republicans wouls be just as low and crappy. I hate petty crap like that. But I suppose, it's just politics as usual in the home of sleazy deals that is DC.

On a very side note here, I'm back to being curious about oral sex and me. I've never quite hit the heights receiving a blowjob, but I've always enjoyed how it felt. This is what I'm wondering: Is it just a problem I have in my head or something, or have I just not gotten a good one? What do you think? Questions, comments, suggestions? Offers? *laughs*

Most likely TMI

I have been very out of it the past few days. It started off with the trip back home the Missouri. I put off my leaving from just before noon, to almost 7 at night to have a little extra fun since I'm pretty sure that it will be a long, long time until it happens again. The problem with leaving that late means that I got back home at about 4 in the morning on Saturday. I think after that my body said, "Enough!" I probably slept 24 hours on Saturday and Sunday. I needed it, tho. It's amazing what a little extra time spent in bed will do for you. ;)

Back to the title of this post, tho. At the very end of my stay, we were chatting in a local park in the car because it was getting a little chilly. As a last hurrah, we indulged in a little hands-on fun.

Now here's where you need a little background here. The ex-gf's dad is kind of an odd duck. He was the type to listen to one album over and over and over. The album the ex-gf remembers while growing up is a Chuck Berry album. Back to the story...

Now, since I am a bit of a gentleman (hard to believe, right?) I take care of her first, so to speak. When she is all blissed out and has caught her breath again, she returns the favor. And then her cell phone goes off. She has personalized music for everyone on her phone. Her dad's song starts playing. "My Ding-a-ling" by Chuck Berry. Right in the middle of our fun, I have to start singing along, "I want you to play with my ding-a-ling." Sure it ruined the mood a bit, but it was damn funny. I figure that even in the middle of sex, ya gotta keep a sense of humor about you.

I still am chuckling about it today. See ya tomorrow.

The secret to happiness

This morning, I woke up without having to run off to a training or do anything else, and that felt good. I had time to enjoy breakfast and coffee and watch a little news. I took a nice hot shower that was a little underpowered for my tastes. I like the water to come out in force rather than as a trickle, but I digress.

Then the ex-gf arrived. Her stomach was bugging her, but that's ok. I come down to see her, not just for sex. She still puts a smile on my face. So we talked about all sorts of things and layed down on the bed to snuggle as we talked. I told her that we were wearing too many clothes to snuggle properly, which caused her to laugh. She knows that I'm an outright horny bastard at heart, but also that I'm not going to rip off her clothes because of it. Unless she wants it, of course. I knew that nothing was going to happen because of her stomach, tho.

We stopped and got some lunch, which didn't seem to settle her stomach down any. At least it didn't make it worse. Back at the hotel we went back to to talking while curled up together. There's something about curling up with someone you care about that just melts the stress out of you. This is one of the biggest things I've missed in the last year to year and a half.

She likes to be a bit of a tease, so she rubbed and nibbles on my neck and ear. She's not a cruel tease, tho. If she teases, she plans on pleasing in the near future. So I'm figuring that I'm going to have a late check-out tomorrow morning, which I don't mind in the slightest. Sure, I usually like to be on the road early, but I can put it off for good sex.

Turns out I didn't have to wait that long, tho. Something kicked in, breathing got heavy, and suddenly she was ripping off our clothes. An hour and a half later, we're sweaty and cleaning up so she can get back home before her bf comes home. Neither of us can stop smiling, either.

So, the secret to happiness in my mind? Free time, love, and great sex. I like keeping things simple. :)

Reporting from an undisclosed location

Well, I survived a particularly bad go-live the past couple days. Murphy was in effect as the disk that I programmed their labels onto went bad, so I had to make them on the fly and quick. The printer drivers were not playing nice, either. The big one that sent the pharmacist into a huge fit was that she couldn't send electronic claims on one insurance for some reason. Turns out that the Processor control and BIN numbers that I was given were wrong. In laymans terms, they gave me the wrong address and a bad map and I had to guess where the hell I was going and didn't know where I was starting. I could just kill some people at corporate.

I got everything working and a half hour before I was to leave, I finally figured out the electronic claims issue, so walked out of there feeling good. I hopped in the car, drove 4 hours to drop off some printers and then drove the rest of the way to where I was heading in Missouri. I'm looking forward to doing very little (except maybe the ex-gf) tomorrow.

I know this is a short post, but I'm running on 10 hours sleep in 48 hours, have been going for 15 hours today, and want to be semi-well rested for tomorrow. Talk with ya later.

Hour 40

Yesterday after I posted, I went back to work and got a lot done. I was all packed and ready to go, except for lugging the laser printer down two flights of stairs to the underground parking and into my trunk. So I went to bed. And laid there. And Laid there. Around 3AM, I realized that I wasn't going to be getting any sleep that night. So, I went to Plan B.

I lugged down the laser printer (my back was oh so happy about that), hopped in the car, and at 3:30AM I started driving to Nebraska. I knew I had 10+ hours to get to Beatrice, NE but I figured that I could drive as far as I could take a nap in a rest stop or something, and then drive the rest of the way. Wisconsin went by fairly quickly since the roads were empty. It was dark, foggy, and rather spooky. Dawn was starting to approach as I was heading into Iowa. That's when the wind started getting nasty.

Other than having to hold on tight to the steering wheel, it wasn't a bad drive. I was past Des Moines when I started running out of power. I pulled in for lunch figuring I could eat and take a quick nap. I ate quick, hopped into the car, and as I was reaching to recline the seat, I got my second wind. I didn't have any Red Bull, Coffee, or other caffeinated soda, but I was wide awake. So I drove again. The second wind kept going and so did I. I made it to Beatrice and was checking into my hotel by 2:30PM.

And my second wind kept going.

I can feel the exhaustion sitting behind me waiting to pounce on me. My eyes are scratchy like you wouldn't believe. I hurt all over, and my brain is soup. But my body is awake and it's not stopping for anything. WTF is going on here?

So, as I type this I'm on hour 40 of being awake. I haven't had anything with caffeine since this morning at 9AM. My body just doesn't know when to give up. It stops listening to me and keeps going on with whatever it wants like this. This mode is how I walked home from a county over when I was stoned off my ass from a bad party back int he day. It's how I blew my knee out engaged in a couple hours of bedroom gymnastics. I don't know how it happens or why. I am just hoping that it knocks it off fucking soon since I have to train early in the morning.

Happy New Year

I suppose you might be wondering where I've been the past few days. If you guessed enjoying some drunken revelry and time off, you are unfortunately wrong. I took this pic at the stroke of midnight last night to show you what I was up to. At home with only my friend Johnnie Walker there to celebrate with. I was too sore, tired, and grumpy to brave the bars last night.

It's been a helluva last few months. I travel and work so much that I no longer feel at home while I'm at home. I don't even buy groceries when I'm home since I'm not home long enough to really do any cooking. I've been working an amazing amount trying to get everything set up before I leave the company I'm at right now. I haven't even started looking for a new car and I doubt that I'll be getting another job that provides me with a company vehicle.

I've spent a good chunk of today working. I leave for Nebraska in the morning and I still need to get a few things in order so I can actually relax a little while I'm on the road. Laundry and packing is done, paperwork is almost done, and all I need to do is to program a few label routines before I can go to sleep. I need to book the hotel too, but that doesn't take long.

I'm taking a day off in a way this week. I'll be visiting the ex-gf in Missouri on my way back from Nebraska which hopefully will be a relaxing time. I'm trying not to get my hopes up just in case, however. I know my luck all too well.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a blast on their New Years. I know it sounds silly after I just dumped a load of depressed thoughts on y'all, but no matter what jealous thoughts I get, I still hope the best for the awesome people out there who read me on a regular basis. Hopefully things will only get better and better for all of us this new year!