Emotional Lability

Emotional lability. I had to look up what they meant back when I started taking Adderall. It basically means that you are more prone to emotional swings and moods. I've been finding out that this seemingly inoccuous side effect has more effect on my life than any other side effect.

As you might have noticed (that is, if anyone actually reads this anymore... let me know if I should even bother blogging anymore with comments and email) that I've been quite depressed lately. I've been down before, am still feeling quite blue right now, and will take an emotional dip in the future. Life goes on, tho. I keep climbing out of bad moods and try for good ones. Through my life, I've found ways of managing my brain's impulses for outbursts whether it's intellectual, emotional, or attention based.

Now, that I've gotten attention more under control than ever, the emotional side is changing. I still have the same ups and down, but they come faster and catch me off guard. I usually could tell when my mood was changing and could plan accordingly. Now that happens sometimes, but other times it will jump sharply. I'm not becoming manic depressive or anything but instead if I am kinda sad, I can become very sad, very quickly.

I caught myself tearing up to some tv show or movie recently. I never have done that before. Hearing music that reminds me how alone I feel drove me to post my last post. What you read was exactly what I was feeling, but a completely raw form of it. I know that depression isn't exactly a mood that you show to make friends, so I try to avoid exposing the worst of it. My ability to censor myself is barely adequate at best but with this new twist, I'm not doing well.

Anyway, I'm in Skokie just outside of Chicago. I've got a very nice hotel room suite. I am overlooking a high-end mall with a Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, Tiffany's, and many other big names in neon. I'm very glad that I should have a week at home next week unless things change. I'm doing my best to ignore or deal with the crap in my head, but loneliness is hard to fight when there are no friendly faces around and nobody is calling.

Tomorrow if I don't get overwhelmed by work, I hope to tell you what I've been doing lately instead of what I've been thinking. I need to veg out a bit so my back relaxes enough to let me sleep first. Nighty-night.

How Will I Laugh Tomorrow.../ Fade To Black

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all

Always an emotion, but how can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can't explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion
Goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead?

The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
Some were good-Most were bad
I search for personality and I look for things I can not see
Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Thru my eyes that's all I see

If I'm gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I'm gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I'll say
How will I laugh tommorow, if I can't even smile today?
=====================================================
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filing me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it to late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try?
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye
=====================================================

Note: I'm not dumb enough to try to kill myself. I'm just so fucking tired of being in pain, alone, frustrated, and discarded. Something inside me made me listen to these songs today, and it brought so much pain to the surface that I actually cried. Since the songs say how I feel better than I could, I posted them.

Erik the Grouch

I'm a grouchy fucker today. If you had been working with me, you probably wouldn't have noticed it. I had to deal with a few stubborn and ignorant people today. One thought he knew everything and when I explained to him how what he wanted wasn't possible, he ignored reality and substituted his own. I kept a smile on my face as I spent another half hour explaining it over and over until he finally got it.

Right after that guy, I had to deal with the owner. She was looking for ammunition in her quest to screw over the trainer that had been here previously and my boss who had disagreed with the owner of the place. I almost had to staple my smile into place at this point, but I managed and found a way to not piss off the owner of this place without hurting the people I work for and with. I think the line that broke her search was when I said, "I have no clue who is to blame here but it really doesn't matter. I'm here to fix your system and that's what I'm going to do."

With all the other petty crap going on in the pharmacy, I managed to keep positive and happy on the outside so the people would relax and learn what they needed to in the first place. All of that frustration settled in my back, tho. My back is so stiff that I'm actually in pain right now, which really doesn't improve my mood any. I got out of that place late, spent from 6pm until a little while ago working on paperwork, and I think I'm going to just forget about dinner since it's 11pm as I write this. I'm hoping I can get all I need to done tomorrow so I might have a chance to look for a little fun despite the fact that I'm in Wichita. The town isn't a bad one... just dull from what I've seen. I certainly wouldn't mind being proven wrong here.

Talkin' baseball and sex

Catching a small part of the news this morning, I heard about the World Series last night. Scott Podsednik got the game winning HR. I'm glad to hear the guy is doing so well. Before this season he was a Brewer. He's the type of player I like to hear about. He's a pretty humble guy, who has worked his ass off, and has led by example. I honestly think that between him and Ned Yost, they pulled the Brewers out of the nosedive they had been in. Milwaukee baseball would have been dead without the interest that those two brought back to the team.

On a completely different note, I forget how sheltered I used to be and how most of the people in the midwest are. I was waiting in Chicago last night for my plane to Wichita, and I did some people watching and a little eavesdropping. Now I'm not someone who listens in on people on purpose, but I have good ears for quiet sounds and I memorize things without trying. I heard a couple of late 20's early 30's women talking about the men in their lives. Since they were off by themselves and I had my back to them, they seemed to be comfortable enough to talk sex.

If I had not been as tired as I am, or as polite as I generally am, I would've gone over to teach them a few lessons. I can understand that most people don't know much about anatomy, but after they spent five miutes discussing it, I wanted to tell them that it's called sperm, semen, or cum not "his stuff" and muscles causes it to squirt out. I did enjoy the discussion about the size of a guy's "thing". One of the gals assumed that she wasn't into sex much because she never met a guy big enough to make her orgasm, which was when her friends jumped in and told her it didn't have anything to do with size. One even said she looked for guys who were smaller because they tried harder. Luckily they couldn't see me smirking and enjoying listening to them. Here's the thing that surprised me, is that neither of them suggested to their friend to just have the guy go down on her. I have yet to meet a gal who doesn't get off when a guy who is really trying goes down on them. Maybe none of them had any man go down on them. Poor gals...

Soon after I flew off to Wichita, got into my hotel, and after I checked in the gal at the front desk said to me, "Let me know if there anything I can do to make your stay here more enjoyable." I'm sure it was something she said to every guest, but I had a series of very naughty thoughts before I realized she was waiting for a response or for me to walk off. I thanked her and walked off to the elevator. It was then that I realized how different I was from most of the people I met. I enjoyed sex, and was open about it. I learn about it, and pay attention to what other people like or dislike about it. I love to use innuendo that makes many people blush. I wonder why so many people hide their sexual selves even from themself? I suppose that I'm not exactly a normal person, but I'm happy to be that way more often then not.

Leerooooooy Jenkins!

Yep, I'm about to pull a Leeroy here. I am about to jump into the dragon's lair naked, with no strategy, and a 32.33 repeating percent chance of survival at best. The previous trainer who was at this pharmacy found out I had to go back there to fix them sent me an email on what to expect and the first line of the email sums it up. "You poor thing."

This place and my general travel schedule is why I haven't been posting lately. I was up past 2am last night working out the majority of the details for work. The last thing I have to do today is book my hotel and write up my expenses. I have a 6pm flight, so I have time to relax a little before having to bounce off to Wichita.

I have had so little time to myself that I haven't even got to go to the shooting range. I purchased a Glock 21C from the gun show that was in town three weeks ago. I've had time to look it over and purchase some ammunition so I can stretch out the springs on the new magazines. That's about all I've been able to do so far. Things are bad when Erik doesn't even have time to play with his weapons; pun/innuendo intended and sadly true. *sigh*

While I was working yesterday, I did happen to catch the Packer game. The first half gave me just enough hope for a win, and then snatched it all away. I should've known better than to put points on the Packers. Oh well, I have bigger things to worry about right now. I'll try to post when I can as long as this pharmacy doesn't have me putting in 14+ hour days. I'm hoping for a miracle here.

Problem Customers

Sorry if you were looking for my HNT pic of the week. There are some serious technical difficulties going on that are stopping that from happening. I'll make sure to have one ready next week in advance.

As you may have already read, I'm on the road right now taking care of a problem customer. I'm actually getting through to this one, and am feeling good about that fact. I figured out their main problem (because of my mad troubleshootin' skillz, yo), which was cascading into a dozen other problems. Since I'm doing so well, I attracted the attention of Murphy. My one day trip to St. Paul next week got cancelled and changed to a full week in Wichita to train another problem customer. These people had the best classroom trainer in the company train them a few weeks ago. They reported to my boss that she was incompetent and demanded more training from a different trainer. My boss stuck up for the other trainer (as she should) and tried to deal with them. They went over her head and forced it along. I got the nod to go there. Crap, crap, crap.

I know the other trainer fairly well. She is incapable of bad training. The only time I excel when compared to her is the fact that I can fix hardware and troubleshoot issues better than her. When it comes to basic classroom training, I pale in compairison which is a real neat trick given my skin tone. My boss apologized in advance to me, and handed them over to me lock, stock, and barrel because she "can't deal with those assholes anymore."

As much as I've said that I need to go have a few beers, I have only had a single beer the last two weeks. I probably won't tonight either, but I'm sorely tempted to. If I didn't have 8 hours of training and then a 6 hour drive on my plate tomorrow, I'd probably be at a bar right now. My stress level is peaking out, and my neck and back is feeling it. Anyone have good suggestions on what I can do to save my sanity over the next couple weeks?

Organized chaos

Yesterday, I was at a seminar all day on organization in the workplace. It was interesting, but the unusual nature of my job made a lot of the advice useless. We spent at least a half an hour talking about clearing off your desk and how it will help you get more work done and will make you more promotible. I don't have a desk and my boss never sees how I work from home, which is a good thing since if I'm at home, I'm usually wandering around the house in pj's or sweats. My job is to travel to other parts of the country, so organizing my office is a laugh. Fun stuff.

I wish my corporate office would organize a bit. They send me training materials when I request them which I need to help train people. Last week Monday, I sent in an order that needed to be here today. They shipped it Friday. According to tracking, it's supposed to arrive today. I was supposed to leave for Des Moines this morning. Instead, I'm waiting for a package which is disrupting my day horribly. I can't load up my car or even take a shower because if I do, I won't be able to hear my doorbell. I hate having to adjust my schedule because of someone elses incompetence.

Furthering my mood is the fact that I'm going to Des Moines to train a problem customer that I have major issues with. The owner of this places seems like a nice guy on the outset, but he will lie his ass off if it could get him something. Almost a year ago, this guy did that to me. I was fairly new and admittedly I made a mistake. The mistake had nothing to do with the training I provided. I forgot to have him sign off on the training, which is our proof that we covered everything. Since there was no sign off sheet, he lied as much as he could trying to get free training. My hold on my job was tenuous at best for a while after this. Luckily for me, people started realizing this guy was full of shit and with other customers emailing my boss telling them what a great job I was doing, my reputation got much better.

As much as I hate to go there, I just wish I could get on the road right now. I have 6 hours of driving ahead of me, and putting it off is just going to keep me on the road after dark orworse, in the middle of rush hour somewhere. I'll just have to make sure I'm as ready as I can be so I can hit the road as soon as I can after that darn package arrives. So I wait...

More Random Thoughts

I am always thinking about random stuff. Sometimes it has nothing to do with what I'm working on or who I'm hanging out with. Yesterday I was at home and not doing all too much other than cleaning the house. The whole day I was thinking of and making jokes about whatever came to the surface from the inside or things I heard and saw during my day. Here's a few of the highlights.

Saw a commercial for Cheese Nips. The name alone is amusing, but the tagline on the commercial was even better. "If you love Nips, it shows." I have to wear baggier jeans, I suppose.

I want to go on a small vacation somewhere in the near future. The problem is that I won't want to go somewhere by myself. I do that for work enough. Who would've thought that Mr. Lone Wolf over here would need someone to go with him after all of these years?

Saw a shirt that said "Salmon, the other pink meat." No comment necessary.

I kicked ass in the football pool this week. The Colts need to win tonight to pull off a nearly flawless week of pics.

It's amazing what you hear at 11:00 pm in a quiet apartment. Either there was a happy (and somewhat vocal) couple in the building last night, or I'm not the only one who likes porn in the building.

Candles can give off the oddest shadows sometimes. I kept feeling like someone was in the room with me because of the shadows I caught out of the corner of my eye.

That is what stuck in my head from last night to this morning. I have no clue why I'm posting this, but I am. It seems appropriate for some reason.

Sweetest day and the single guy

Another Hallmark holiday is upon us, and all I can say is "Bah!" Thank you Hallmark for reminding me that I'm alone by getting everyone around me to talk about how great love is and all that crap. I tried to ignore the people who were spouting about sweetest day when I went to the store earlier. I even started looking for a way to make fun of it and put myself in a better mood. I came up with one idea, but it backfired.

Since I hadn't been to the local porn store lately, I thought that I could amuse myself by getting a DVD or two and call it Love Thyself night. I know it probably sounds odd, but it made me laugh and I needed something to put me in a better mood. After looking around for a while it struck me that I wasn't aroused by my browsing. I couldn't even find one thing that really interested me. So I'm either too jaded by porn these days, or it just doesn't improve my mood anymore. Either way I look at it, I'm in for some deep hurting in my future.

All of the above got me in a grumpy mood. I'd probably be ok talking with single people today, but if I hear or see one more happy couple I'm going to get very pissed, very quick. I'm just going to stay in tonight and avoid the frustration. I probably should stay away from the booze as well.

Learn to fucking drive

I'm jittery as hell right now. I just got back from Chicago and I am so glad to be home. While driving there and back, I lost count of all the times people almost crashed into each other. I saw three accidents happen today, too.

The first one was just past the first set of tolls into Illinois. Some guy in a silver Porche Carrera was whipping around other cars like he was trying to see how close he could cut it. About a hundred years and all the way on the other side of the highway, he misjudged. He tapped the bumper, spun, and smashed into the concrete barrier. I'm sure he was probably ok knowing the safety records of Porches, but his car was truly fucked.

The second one would've been bad if we weren't in the middle of rush hour. We were only going about 25 or so on the freeway. Either someing missed their brake, or something. I heard it happen, but somehow going only 25 the driver rammed the car ahead of him.

The final one happened just before I got home. It was the only collision or near collision I've seen in Wisconsin today. A red pickup ran a red and rammed a white import hard. I think it was a Toyota, but it was hard to tell, with how much damage it recieved. This one happened about 100 feet in front of me. The idiot in the pickup never stopped either.

Fucking idiots.

HNT- A friend at hand

I've always had good hands. I'm sure part of having good hands comes from years of playing computer and video games. I wouldn't have nearly the same level of dexterity without all of the keyboards and joysticks that have passed through my hands in my life.

I also have genetics on my side here. My mom is a massage therapist and part of that is because she likes to work with her hands. If my dad wouldn't have had a messed up back, he would've been a carpenter since he loves making things with his hands. I paint miniatures on occaision since I like to work with my hands and I have a good eye for detail. It's too bad I don't have the space to set up a desk for painting in my current apartment or else I would be painting much more than I currently do.

I like that I have very soft and smooth hands. I don't have any calluses that dull my sense of touch, so I like to feel things. I've always liked to touch things just to feel the texture of the surface. It doesn't matter if it's fabric, wood, stone, metal or other substance. I have a hard time initiating touching people, tho.

As I was growing up, my family didn't touch much. I remember that getting a hug was a very rare thing. I think after my siblings and I grew up, my mom started to realize that she screwed up with that. Either that, or when she went to school for massage therapy she learned that good side of touching. Now we get hugs whenever we see each other, but how we grew up sticks in the backs of our heads.

I like to touch the gal I'm with. I love the feel of smooth skin while I'm massaging or just holding a gal. I still have a hard time getting comfortable enough to start touching a gal, tho. Once I get past that first time and she seems to enjoy my touch, there is no problem any more. Then it's open season for all of the hedonistic fun I can think of.

Pardon the meandering and aimless post. I'm tired, stressed, and feeling a bit unloved at the moment. It's hard enough for me to focus anyway, much less when my mind is occupied. Hell, I didn't even make the dozen or so masturbation jokes that I could've. You'll have to provide your own.

On the road again

I tried to type this in last night at the hotel, but the internet access at the hotel had a very short timeout and wouldn't last long enough for me to type it and them post.

I was in Wausau last night as I did PR visits throughout central Wisconsin. I got a lot of good feedback from customers which was nice. I am trying to pace myself since I have 3 more weeks after this one of being on the road. Friday I will be in Chicago to set up arrangements for the first week of November. Dammit, no Philly for me. Going to Philly could've killed me, tho. *laughs* What a way to go, I'd have to say. (If you don't get it, don't worry... it's an inside joke.)

For those of you interested, here's my schedule for the next few weeks:

Next week- Brookfield, WI and Des Moines, IA
Week 2- Minneapolis, MN
Week 3- Chicago, IL

I know I'm going to be a hurtin' puppy when I get home from Chicago. Being on the road doesn't seem like it would be too bad since I get to be home for the weekends. The reality is that you spend most of the weekend cleaning, doing laundry, doing paperwork, and all those other errands you need to get done but couldn't do since you were away. I'll be lucky to catch the Packer games unless I do my laundry while the game is on.

It looks like I won't even have time to make an appearance at the bar I go to for the halloween party. Usually there are a few scantily clad women there to ogle. I'll just have to imagine cleavage held back by short and tight clothing, I suppose. Maybe I'll win the lottery tonight. On second thought, being the introspective and honorable guy I am, I would probably finish off everything that is scheduled before I quit. I must be sick in the head, wouldn't you agree?

A busy but good weekend

I was amazed at how busy I was this weekend. Saturday, I hung out with a friend and we went to the gun show here in town. The pic is of a Barrett rifle that I wished I had the spending cash to buy. Admittedly I have the $8,500 in my savings account needed to buy the thing, but most of my money is reserved for purchasing a home, or an education depending on circumstances right now.

I was drooling over the rifle quite a bit, tho. The rifle and the round it uses (.50 caliber) are huge. It weighs 33 pounds and is at least 4 feet long. Some people think that since I'm not into cars that this is my "compensation" for not being hung like the men in porn, but I have to disagree. The model in the picture is the current record holder of the longest battlefield kill shot from a rifle. While I'm not interested in hurting or killing anyone, it amazes me that this thing can take a half inch wide chunk of copper and lead, and send it 2.23 miles away accurately. Thanks to a well trained sniper, two Taliban rebels in Afganistan no longer have the opportunity to kill our troops.

Back to my weekend, tho. I hung out with my friend the whole day Saturday. After making a purchase or two, we hit the bar to relax. It was a surprisingly quiet evening at the bar, but it was nice to be able to talk without having to shout over the crowd and music. Sunday started off with cleaning, and then moved on to football. Great game. Another friend dropped by after the game to hang out, show off some stuff, and otherwise keep me occupied until late last night.

This morning I woke up looking forward to catching up on paperwork and taking care of a thing or two that's been put off from last week. Instead, I had major messages and calls awaiting me. I went from having two things on my schedule for the next month, to being fully booked up until after the first week of November. I will be hitting central Wisconsin, Des Moines, possibly Minneapolis, and Chicago in the very near future. I leave for central Wisconsin tomorrow. Anyone want to get a drink in Stephens Point tomorrow? I'll need to keep the beer flowing if I'm going to stay sane for 4 weeks straight on the road.

One sad admission before I post this, but I've considered setting up an appointment with an escort as of late. I seem to be caught in a major sexual/social rut. I am about to burst at the seams thanks to my lack of sex. I'm not having sex because I don't meet women who are interested in me. They aren't interested in me because I'm either grumpy as hell, obsessing about sex, or both. I'm acting goofy because I'm not getting any. This downward spiral shit has gotta stop. Hence, the escort idea. It gets around the problem of me avoiding the dating scene as well.

Leads me to another problem, tho. First is that I have high standards. I also feel that I'm better than having to pay (directly) for sex. My cock and sense of self worth are battling it out in the recesses of my brain, and right now I can't predict who will win. I'm pretty messed up, huh?

Hasn't NOLA gotten it's balls busted enough?

You have to feel bad for the Saints. There are only so many losses a person can take. First their hometown is wrecked by a hurricane.

Then they lose one the road.

To a team that is at it's worst in many years with an 0-4 record.

And get spanked all over the field in the most one sided game in years.

For those of you who weren't watching, the Saints scored first with a field goal. They never scored again. Green Bay proceeded to walk all over them with 52 unanswered points. According to the news, this is the biggest win margin since 1966. I've seen spankings (and delivered a few, but that's neither here nor there) but that game was brutal.

My friend said partway through the game that they must've replaced half the team with pod people. We did replace what seems like half the team, tho. The Pack has more hurt players than healthy ones it seems. Luckily we have a bye week coming up, but then again if they're playing like this hurt, why the hell couldn't they win any of the first 4 weeks?

Sorry about the lack of posts lately. I've been either busy or drunk, and since I've been drunk mailing people too much lately, I've avoided using my computer the last few evenings. It's sad when I've been too busy to post, surf porn, or even get enough sleep. I think I'm crashing early tonight, too. Maybe I'll dream up something for a post in the middle of a good erotic dream. I could really use some form of excitement.

HNT: Corporate Am-erik-a

I was amazed at how much stuff I've had to pack into my schedule the last two days. I left the past two days before 8AM and both evenings I've gotten home after 10PM. I need my back rubbed like there's no tomorrow.

Since Thursday I was away and quite busy, I decided to show you all the corporate me. Admittedly, I like wearing blue shirts better than the red/maroon one I'm wearing here but this is the one I put on this morning fumbling around in the dark. I obviously wasn't planning on having my picture taken with it, but with this picture the inspiration hit to blog.

I've always been a bit against the status quo and enjoyed my unusual and somewhat rebellious nature. My hair used to be a quarter of the way down my back for a while (although not a mullet) and at another point it was a bit shorter and a bright blue. I got my tongue pierced back in '95 and that was well before it was cool to have a tongue ring and before I found out how useful it could be in certain situations. *laughs*

Overall, I like having a different take on the world. It's insightful to be on the outside looking in. The only problem I have is that it's lonely being the odd man out. I suppose you can't have it all, tho.

This corporate version of me is still amusing for me to see looking back at me in the mirror. I'm a practical guy by nature and I saw the advantages of conforming a little to fit in the workplace. My eccentricities are usually ignored when they come out now since I'm a damn good employee. What can I say, I was raised with a good work ethic.

Anyway, chopping off my hair and wearing nice shirts and Dockers were the price I had to pay for $20k a year more pay and a company car on top of that. I can't say now that I'm unhappy with that trade. I have a lot more freedom to travel and do whatever I please as well. Besides, that mischevious, naughty boy still lurks behind these blue eyes of mine. ;)

The White Knight of Today

I have a bit of a dillemna right now. I found out about a what's going on with a former bartender at the bar I go to on Wednesdays when I'm home. She is currently living with a boyfriend that completely controls her. She isn't allowed to go out by herself, have people visit or call her, or even talk to friends when her and her bf go out. The odd part is that the gal was a very intelligent and strong minded before starting to date this guy. She tends to like to be drunk and stoned as much as possible, which had killed her motivation and my interest in her.

My problem has two sides to it. The first one is that I have very strong feelings when it comes to controlling personalities. People who have to control people, particularly to that degree, have major problems themselves and take it out on other people. They are usually the people who are willing to hurt people to get what they want. If I knew this guy was beating her, I would have already found out where they live, gone there, and either gotten her out or if the asshole was there, I would have introduced him to what it's like to be on the receiving end of a beating. I'm not a violent guy by nature, but some things enrage me. More on this tomorrow since there's another whole rant here.

This leads me to my other problem. I want to be the hero, the knight in shining armor who comes in and saves the damsel in distress. Despite what it may seem sometime, I have a strong sense of honor, charity, and chivalry. It's not exactly the Knight's Code, but more of a code of honor that takes in account for the real world. In this situation, I want to find this gal and get her out of there even if it means I take her into my own home for a while.

I know I shouldn't even get involved here. Even if I rescue her, she still will have the tendancy to go back with someone destructive like this. If I'd take her into my home, I'm likely to not only piss off my sister (since we share an apartment) but also get my generosity abused in many ways. I'd most likely never get any money loaned out back, and possibly would get my stuff stolen, my liquor cabinet drank, or have to kick her out because she has no motivation to get her life back on track.

Dammit, I still want to help. If only the real world fit into my beliefs, instead of walking all over them. Unfortunately the way the world is "no good deed goes unpunished." I've taken a lot of punishment in my life learning this rule since I like to help and be the good person that I am. Chivalry is not dead, but it's on life support after being hit by that train called "Reality". The noble instincts that most of us share are forced to be quiet until tragedy strikes and it's socially acceptable to show them. The knights in shining armor of today have to stow their armor and pick their battles carefully. If they don't, they are hunted down like dogs.

Loss in multiple forms

Well, the Packers did fail at the end and made it a loss tonight. I have to admit, they made it a damn interesting game, tho. Madden was gushing about the great Brett Favre the whole fourth quarter. He even added him to the horse trailer despite taking another loss. The Pack is now 0-4 this season. Hurtsville.

Today I was putting on the belt I normally wear and realized something. I need a new belt. The belt I've been wearing the last year or more is too big now. I haven't weighed myself in a while, but I must be losing more around the waist than I thought. I did notice that my knees weren't in as bad of shape as I thought they'd be on Sunday. I suppose that with less weight to support, my knees are starting to recover a bit. My back needs to get to that point, too.

It was 86 degrees here in Milwaukee today. It's fucking October and our low temperature today was the same as the average high for this time of year. Worse yet, they geese have been heading south for a few weeks now. I have a feeling that my favorite season isn't going to be longer than a week or two. Things are going to go from summer to winter, and this coming winter is going to be a nasty one from the little signs I see. I hope I'm wrong on this, but my gut feeling is telling me otherwise.

It's late and I have to work in the morning. I hope everyone has lovely wet dreams this morning (since it's now after midnight).

Late note: Just checked the football pool. Highest weekly score in the pool, Fuck Yeah!

Stocked, Cocked, and Ready to Rock

This bird isn't for you, but there's a story behind it so listen up. The last few days were a blur as I took care of business and got my shit together so I could make it to my airsoft team's practice. Since the notice was a little late, we weren't going to have a huge crowd out there, but 15 people out of the forty or so on the team is good for a last minute practice.

I got there about a half hour early to bullshit with some of the guys and to unload my gear. When it came time to start training, we all were looking around wondering where the hell everyone was. Turns out that out of the 15 people who said they were coming on Wednesday and Thursday, eight never showed. Since we were already out there, gotten out the gear, and had notified the police that men would be walking around on private land with what looks like automatic weapons, we decided to train anyways. It was nice because there were 5 veterans of the game out there with 2 new recruits, so a lot of individual training was done.

At the end of the day after an hour or two of maneuvers (guaranteed to just about immobilize me tomorrow) we were talking before we headed to dinner. Since I had my digital camera, I thought to take a picture of the group to send out to everyone. Being the smartass I am, I said that maybe we should have a pic of us all showing our appreciation to the people who didn't show. Now you know.... the rest... of the story. I'm Paul Harvey....

Ok, maybe I'm not quite done yet. I liked one of the other guy's suggestions about the people who didn't show. They get to be the man-sized targets at the firing range at our next training. When I had a free moment today, I picked a mushroom in the woods by shooting the stalk at approximately 75 feet. I'm pretty sure that I can shoot each one of our slackers in the ass if given a chance.

It was nice to see some action today, since I haven't had the chance to play since June. I must admit I'd rather see other action, but this is the only game in town. The only way I'll be getting laid anytime soon is if I travel to a specific city or cities, but I would hate to travel just hoping to get some. Of course, if I was invited I'd be setting up a week of vacation right now with no hesitation. I would even give her a pearl necklace happily. *laughs*

Final note- I heard someone take phrases out of one of those life affirming self help books and turn them cynical and/or amusing with the followup statement. Here's my favorite that I heard.

Take a day off and go down to a beauty school and get a facial. Then give one.

Gotta love it...