Random odd day

I'm having an odd morning. I woke up an hour early for no discernable reason. I also distinctly remember hitting the snooze bar to turn off my alarm when I woke up. Where things get odd, is that my alarm wasn't set to go off for another hour. I remember the buzzing sound when I woke up, tho. I'm sure this is going to bother me all day.

I heard on the news that gas is expected to hit $3.50 a gallon here in Milwaukee by the end of the week. You can only imagine how glad I am to not have to pay for gas. I wonder if this will get people thinking of alternative fuel sources, or will they just bitch about the price of gas?

I've already taken care of just about every bit of work I had to do this week, so I'll be keeping my email and phone handy, and spend the day playing games. I really don't have the right to complain about my job anymore. If I am home I take care of e-mail and calls, and still have enough time to get in an hour workout during the day and the occaisional game. Of course, weeks that I'm on the road, I am yanked away from friends and family and have to work as long as it takes to get the job done. I've 60+ hours in three and a half days. That's not including travel time. I guess it's a wash.

For those of you who don't understand the conservative nature of the midwest, I heard a great quote from a comedian Tim Bedore. I'm modifying it slightly, but it holds I think. So as I head out for the day, I'll just say take care "From the Midwest, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes."

Gratitude, plans, and birthday wishes

Hey everyone. I just got back from picking up my computer from the shop. Turns out that the graphics card took out the mother- board and CPU chip when it died. Good news is that it's still under warranty, so I haven't had to pay a dime. I'm running on a borrowed graphics card since it will be a week or so until they get my new one. Most places would just tell you that they're sorry but you're stuck until the part comes in, but not these guys. I know people from all over read this, but if you live in Milwaukee and need a computer, seriously consider Milwaukee PC. They are damn good people to work with.

I haven't yet figured out what to do on my birthday. I'm sure there will be drinking somewhere. I think I might hit the Brewers game this coming Saturday, but other than that my plans are wide open. My birthday is right on Labor Day this year, so I get a three day weekend to let it all hang out. To be honest, it will be a four day weekend for me, since I used my day off for my birthday on Friday. I was debating a stip club for my birthday just for the hell of it, but Labor day weekend seems to be a bad time to go. No headliners at the clubs that I know of, and no special events. I'm afraid that if I go, I'll get the backup dancers and not have very much fun.

What I wish I could do for my birthday is to host a huge Roman-style orgy. Bring on the food, drink, and sex for a couple days straight. I would love a bevy of gorgeous women at my beacon call as well. I like to dream big, no?

I seriously doubt that birthday sex will be happenning this year much like last year. I'd probably be disapponting since I'm so long out of practice, anyway. Rather than getting upset or bummed out about it, I might as well make the best of things as they are. So, I'm putting a call out there for birthday porn. If you haven't figured it out, I'm a straight guy who likes bigger chests. Gals, if you want to send pics of your chest or anything else, feel free. I will not be sharing these, obviously. I don't think my e-mail will get too bombarded, but you never know. If you actually want to send something physically, send an email and I could pass along my address. I have a feeling that the mailbox will be empty, but who knows? Life is an adventure, so might as well try just in case something fun happens.

WoW, this sucks and I'm pissed

A few of my friends have been trying to get me to play World of Warcraft (WoW), and yesterday I decided to go for it. I need something to amuse me during my freetime since there is no sex to be had for Erik. I was all excited to get to play with something new and fun, so after I got back from buying the game I immediately started installing it.

It took about two hours to install the game and load all of the patches needed to start playing. After taking that long to load, I had read up on most of the manual and was ready to dive in head first. I started the game up and almost immediately there are so many graphical distortions, I can barely see anything. The game then locks up my whole computer and I have to press reset to start it up again. At this point, the plastic on the monitor is blistering from the language coming out of my mouth.

So, after my computer reboots I try it again and once again the distortions creep in but this time I quit the program before it locks up my computer. I looked up the customer service website immediately. Basically, there is a 4 page document on the problem. Great. I go update all of my drivers, set up the configuration a bit different, and everything else it says. Nothing fixes the problem. I fire off an email to Blizzard's customer service department since the call center is closed for the weekend. Can you say enraged?

On the last page of the document on how to fix the problem, it mentions that overclocking and overheating can cause the same problem. My home computer has always ran warm, so I check this out. To keep this short, my graphics card was running at 95-105 degrees during normal use and 110-120 when running WoW. This is way higher than it should be. I started looking up ways to cool down my computer on the off-chance that it may help. Suddenly there is a loud pop from the computer and it's power turns off. I let the computer rest a bit and start it again. The fans come on, but no picture. My computer is fucked. FUCK!

Long story short, it looks like the fan on the graphics card that should've cooled it is broken. No clue on how long it's been broken since I haven't played many graphic intensive games on it since I bought it six months ago. The heat buildup might have just destroyed my whole computer. I'm writing this from my work laptop which is giving me carpal tunnel, a headache from eye strain, and a backache to boot. I can't do any of my favorite activities online, either. They require a better computer or they are things that would not be appropriate on a company owned computer. No porn, no chat, no games, no fun.

I need a life, ASAP. Know where I can find one?

Sidenote- Whoever tried to text message me on Monday at 4:29am CST, it didn't work. I got no number and no text. Since I was in ND at the time, I didn't get the message until I was almost out of the state on Wednesday. Hope to talk with you sometime.

Sidenote #2- I'm getting bombarded by anonymous commenting bots, so I'm turning that feature off. If I ever meet anyone who programs adbots like that, I'm cutting off their balls. I'm sorry for the annoyance everyone.

The story behind my first set of tattoos

Yesterday, I showed off my back, and the tattoos on my back. Most people don't get what they are without seeing the front. Even then a few people need to be spotted a clue. They're bullet holes. Entrance wounds on the front, and corresponding exit wounds on the back. They aren't the most detailed because I got them when I was 18 and didn't know enough about tattoo artists at the time. I got them from a shop that was mediocre at best. He had all of the sterilization gear, a health department license, and a new clean shop, tho. That's all I thought was important at the time.

I came out of high school a very hurt, angry, and lonely boy. I started college when I was 17 and during that time my parents seperated and the pre-divorce battle began. I was so painfully shy, I didn't talk to anyone new in college and all of the people I knew from high school went to other colleges or stayed in Milwaukee. I went to the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater which is only an hour or so from Milwaukee and Madison, but I didn't have a car so I was stuck in BFE. I pulled so far into myself that I stopped living my life. The only things I was doing by the end of that year was eating, sleeping, reading, and keeping my roommate away from the phone when he got drunk. Notice that going to classes wasn't on the list? I had stopped trying in November of the first semester, so in May, I was kicked out with a 0.6 GPA. Probably the dumbest mistake I've ever made.

So there I was out of college, alone, angry at the world, and too clueless to realize what really happened. I wanted to blame everyone but myself. I decided to try to express myself, show the world how I felt, and if it pissed off mom and dad, even better. I came up with the idea to show off the pain I felt constantly, and drew it up. The artist just about copied it directly from what I gave him, and started working. Three hours later, I had what you saw above. The only thing I regret about them is the quality of the work, I should've found someone willing to take the time to make the large areas on the back more detailed.

The meaning of those tattoos have changed in my mind aver the years. When I first got them, they symbolized my pain, and how life had scarred me. Now I like to think it shows how a great deal of my pain is self-inflicted and long lasting.

One odd thing happened after I got these, is how my parents reacted to them. My mom is the more open-minded of my parents who goes to great lengths to show how modern and metropolitan she is. Both of my parents grew up in central Wisconsin's farm country, but my dad shows his roots more. He's quite conservative, frugal with money, and hates to see waste. My parents eventually heard about my tattoos from my little brother. My mom saw them and was disgusted. I wasn't too surprised by her reaction, tho. When I went to my dad's next and he asked to see them, I was expecting a lecture or worse. What did I get when he saw them? Questions. Lots of questions. He was curious and interested in them. I wondered at the time who had replaced my dad with a pod person.

Hope you enjoyed the tale. Let's hear your thoughts on tattoos, parents, and growing up...

Acronym day: HNT, and NCAA WTF?

Hello peeps. This is the part of my body that hurts the worst. I just got back from my trip and after being on the road since 6AM, my back is disagreeing with me. The tattoos on my back have a story attached to them, but it will be another day before I go into it. I need a backrub as soon as possible. I just need to find a gal to give me one. Volunteers?

On the road yesterday and a bit of today, I heard this pronouncement from the NCAA about racial/ethnic/national names and nicknames not being allowed anymore. While they can't force the teams to change, teams with "offensive" names will be cut from the post season. I am seriously pissed that the politically correct police have taken over this country. Why do we have to watch what we say to an unimaginable degree? What happened to freedom of speech?

I can't think of any NCAA team name but one that people would find offensive, and it isn't one of the teams with a native american name (which is supposedly behind this new rule). The Seminoles, the Illini, and the Sioux (the tribes and the universities with those team names) seem to be just happy without the rule. I'm just waiting to hear what comes out of Notre Dame, since the "Fighting Irish" are the only team with a somewhat slanderous image to the ethnic group.

Marquette changed their name from the Warriors to the Golden Eagles for this same reason a few years back. This summer, they decided to change the name to something else. The majority of the alumni (75% from what I hear) wanted to change the name back to the Warriors. One of the board members even offered to donate 2 million dollars to the school to change the name back. Did the university change the name back? Hell, no. They decided to be even bigger pussies and change the name to the "Gold." I was in a bar when they made the announcement live on the news. From the mouths of everyone at the bar came a resounding, "What the fuck?!?"

Eventually, they couldn't ignore the alumni completely and had to throw out "Gold" and they held a vote. They still wouldn't let it go back to the Warriors, so Marquette is still the Golden Eagles. What is so bad about the name Warriors? Their mascot was a proud native american warrior that has a rich history in this part of Wisconsin. I just don't get why it was such a problem. Idiots.

Dancing Girls and the Guilt Within

Last night was a disappointment to say the least. After visiting two different bars, I realized that Minot probably wasn't the place for me. Since I was in a horrid mood yesterday, I woke up this morning thinking it was all because of my mood that I had a bad time. I said to myself, "Erik, you are going to that strip club you heard about, and you are going to enjoy it." Well, I was half right.

Legend's seemed like an ok place from the outside. I heard a couple of people say that most of the girls there looked good, too. Everyone has an opinion. Mine didn't agree with the locals. First of all, I'm not one for the "I can count your ribs" skinny type. I don't really like the look of gals that are so flat they look like boys. Give me some real womanly curves anyday. There were a couple there who were more gifted with their figures, but they had issues. One was just plain overweight. If you are trying to dance sexily, tight clothes with a gut hanging out just isn't attractive. The other bustier gals looked like they had been hit with a bag of nickels. Just not any particular gal to my liking.

I watched for a half hour or a bit more drinking my mandatory two overpriced drinks. One of the bony gals did managed to wander by with probably the longest pair of nipples that I've ever seen. The temperature was a little on the cool side, and she was sticking out nearly an inch from her nearly absent chest. I was hoping that a real piece of eye candy was about to come off break. No such luck, tho. I'm sure they have better looking girls there, just not on a Tuesday night.

I'm sitting down to eat while typing this in. I am embarassed right now. I am still feeling down, and after reading what I wrote yesterday, I can't help but to feel guilty. I know I write this blog to get out things so they don't build up and make me feel miserable. I also like to expose myself a bit to people and say things that normally I would bite my lip about. I was feeling like crap, and I spread the feeling to everyone. I'm sorry guys and gals... I didn't mean to kill your buzz.

I watched "A Beautiful Mind" the other night, and I could put myself in Nash's (Russel Crowe's) shoes. I'm a bluntly honest and not really a socially smooth guy. I loved one line in the movie that would fit me a little too well sometimes. Hope it amuses you as well.

"I find you very attractive. Your assertiveness tells me that you feel the same way about me. But ritual remains that we must do a series of platonic actions before we can have intercourse. But all I really want to do is have sex with you as soon as possible. (pause) This is when you slap me."

If only life was more like the movies when you could say something like this and not get slapped. *laughs*

Down and (maybe) out?

I am feeling so very sad and empty tonight and for the life of me, I couldn't tell you why. I'm not sure if anyone has had similar moods, but if you could tell me what set you off, I would appreciate it. Hollow is the best way to put it, since I feel like there is nothing in my chest like someone had ripped my heart and everything else out, or like I've been sucker punched right in the gut. I've felt this way many times before, but as far as I can remember, it takes something to set it off. I haven't been specifically ignored by anyone or had my heart broken. I haven't failed or messed anything else up. I suppose some might say that I just need a good cry or something like that. I'm not that kind of person, tho.

I was going go hit a bar or two tonight, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea anymore. I don't think it's a good idea to be depressed, drunk, and alone in an unfamilliar town. I'm still debating, tho. I really could use some alcohol in my system to relax my back and de-stress a bit. I could use to get laid a lot more, but I think we know which is more likely to happen first. Heck, we all know which one will not be happening at all in the near and likely far future. I'm a fairly simple man. I have a few needs, tho. Food, drink, shelter, knowledge, love/attention, and sex. I'm so far behind on the last two, it isn't funny. Maybe that's why I'm feeling this way.

I know being depressed isn't going to help a damn bit but right now, I can't turn the feeling off or ignore it. It's become a physical feeling, where I feel the void in my chest that reminds me every second of how I feel. I really need to go out tonight. I really should stay in for the same reasons. I'm confused as hell and have nobody to talk to.

What the hell is wrong with me?

King of the road

Holy crap, my back hurts. To the people of Minnesota and North Dakota, ask your governments to fix the goddamn interstate freeway!!! My trip today ended in Bismark, ND and was about 12 hours on the road. The roads from Minneapolis on were almost all in need of repair. I was bounced and jostled for about 6 hours, and my back is throbbing. I'm even ordering Pizza Hut tonight just because I do not want to move around anymore. The laptop is set up on the bed, so once dinner is done, I don't have to go anywhere else.

I'm in a great hotel tonight, tho. I stopped at a Holiday Inn Express, and I'm glad I did. This hotel opened a little over a month ago, so everything is new and clean. I even got the executive suite, which is very nice. I took some pics, but my other computer has the software to download the pics from the camera. I love this bed, too.... I'm going to sleep well. At least as well as I can alone.

Pizza just arrived. I've got more to share, but I'll tell you tomorrow. I should have a lot more time then. God, I need a drink...

I was just a wee bit wound up yesterday if you couldn't tell by the gargantuan post. I'll try to keep myself a little bit more in check in the future. Today isn't going to be a very long post. I have too many things I have to get done before tomorrow morning. I still have to do laundry, pack for the trip, and do all the cleaning in my apartment that I usually do on Sunday.

I saw today's pic while online yesterday. It's not from my town, but it reminded me of a story. The last time I came back from living in another part of the country, I was still hurting from breaking up with my gf. She had been the reason I left Milwaukee, so after a few months of living alone there, I decided to come home. It was a fairly long trip, and the U-Haul I'd rented to bring back my possessions had a crappy radio in it. You could barely hear it over the engine noise while on the freeway.

Less than an hour from Milwaukee, I had to stop and get something to eat. When I hopped back into the driver's seat, I changed the station to one of the hard rock stations. It was fading in and out, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hear it much anyway. I headed out and drove the rest of the way.

As I started to slow down on the exit ramp, I could finally hear the radio again. "Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Oh won't you please take me home?" It brought the first real smile on my face in months. It's always nice to come home.

Shopping Trip From Hell

The next time I go to the mall, I'm going in locked, cocked, and ready to rock. Yesterday, I was a bit on the grumpy side, but I wanted to get a few things before I headed off on Sunday. I really should have known better. I'm still a bit irked at the moment, but I thought I'd turn it to creativity. I do have to do more shopping today, but just for travel items from Target, so it shouldn't be too bad.

So, I head out to the mall in the middle of the day thinking I might be able avoid the crowds. When I get near, I remember that they are in the middle of a renovation, and half of the parking lot is torn up. I see a sign that says, "Pardon our dust" and it's not the dust I give a crap about, it's the near impossibility of finding a parking spot. There isn't an empty spot in sight, so I have to circle the parking lot like a hungry shark. "Pardon our dust," my ass. Pardon my cock as I give you a mushroom shaped bruise. Grrr. Finally, I just happen to get behind someone pulling out, and park.

I thought that getting there at 1:30 in the afternoon would lead to less people. I had forgotten a couple of facts. 1) School was not in session, and every teenager within a two mile radius was there. 2) A lot of moms were there which isn't a bad thing by itself, but the screaming, crying spawn they brought with them, set me further on edge. I've noticed in the past that if I'm not smiling and I look people in the eyes, crowds will part for me. I know that having wider shoulders makes me look more imposing, but I've been able to part crowds with a glance before I finished filling out and weighed 120 pounds. It's nice to know that most people are followers who cow to the more dominant members of the pack. I put on my alpha wolf face and waded into the crown.

First stop was Sephora. Like most beauty product stores the air was full of fragrance, the aisles full of women, and the sales people giggled seeing a somewhat baffled man walk in. It's a good thing I'm secure enough in my sexuality to go in there without shame. I walked around the store not having any luck, so I headed over to one of the employees. I have good eyes, but I'm so unfamilliar with their products, I might as well ask the expert. As luck would have it, the products I'm looking for aren't available in Wisconsin. She told me to go online to buy them. Sorry, I wanted a peek at them before I bought, and I try not to put my credit card info online if I can avoid it. I've looked at internet security programming, and it doesn't put me at ease.

I head back into the flow of the mall, hitting the required game and t-shirt stores. Near the food court, I have to dodge the bratlings as they run all over the place. The ghetto parents of these children are sitting and talking, and either aren't paying attention to their kids or don't care that they are brawling with each other and otherwise running amok. Note: I use the word ghetto, but I'm not talking any ethnic background in particular. You could find ghetto parents of all colors there. If it were legal, I would have spanked all of the brats there because someone needs to give consequences to them. I wondered when it became ok for people to let kids run rampant?

I did a bit of browsing of clothing as well. I got a little better idea of what I'll be buying in the future. I didn't get anything yesterday since I'll be driving past plenty of outlet malls on my trip to North Dakota, and will be visiting a couple of them. I go through Minnesota which has no sales tax on clothing, so I'll probably get them there. Thanks to all of you who sent in advice to the clueless one here. Keldrick and Blonde get extra bonus points for commenting in public since I like open forum discussions. If and when I meet you guys, I'll be buying the first few rounds.

While in the largest and most upscale department store, I dropped in their health and beauty section. The one good thing of the trip, is the fragrance employees don't spray whatever bottle they're trying to sell in your face anymore. Now they spray it on a small piece of cardstock and hand it to you. I came across a couple contenders for my new cologne, but after a bit I couldn't smell the difference between any of them anymore. I didn't get a headache from the perfume either, which is unusual. It didn't smell as floral as usual there, and that might have been the difference.

On the way back through the mall to the exit where my car is parked near, I hit all sorts of stupidity. The first was three obese women who waddled just far enough apart to take up the entire corridor, but not far enough to get around. I walked up behind them (not a pretty sight) and slowed down until I could get around them. They decided en masse to stop and block traffic at that point. Since I doubted they saw me, I politely said, "Pardon me." The behemoth in the middle turned around with such a look of hate and annoyance. Sorry if I interrupted your conversation and am making you move a little, but it wasn't like I said "Move your fat asses so I can get through."

Further along the way, a group of people stopped and chatting blocked my way. Thinking these people would be more reasonable than the last, I went to one side of the group and asked, "Pardon me, can I get through?" You would think I'd have some luck with that line. Nope. The person with his back to me turned quickly looking pissed off like I had slapped him upside the head. "Whatchoo axe me, white boy?" I repeated myself, but without the pardon me. He moved aside slowly, just to piss me off. I guess that manners are no longer being taught in schools or at home anymore. Neither is grammar that even resembles the King's English.

Finally I get out of the mall, to my car and back on the way home. I needed to pay my cell phone bill so I stopped by the store to pay my bill. I know I can mail it in, but since my company pays for cell phones I have to get a reciept so I can expense it. When I pulled into the parking lot, I should have pulled right back out and took care of it another day. The strip mall space where I go to pay my bill is right next to a planned parenthood, and the protesters were out in force. Since I was angry and just wanting to get the last of my errands done, I decided to go in. Even going to the place next door, the pro-life wackos decide I look like I need to be ambushed. Grisly pictures are pushed into my face while they foam at the mouth reciting pro-life rhetoric and a few bible verses they want to twist to their needs. I didn't need this crap. I'm just paying my bill. Leave me the fuck alone.

On the way out, I got ambushed again. Lucky me. At this point, I have serious anti-life feelings. I want to be clearing a path to my car with gunfire. It is idiots of this sort that made laws against blowjobs and masturbation. Until very modern times, people thought that semen was liquid baby, and the mother's only function was let it grow inside her. Oral sex was canibalism, and masturbation was murder of a child. I'm glad we know more these days, but those laws are still there. I'm just glad they aren't enforced, as I'd be a serial killer with an astounding record.

Oh, and the picture at the top? That is me with my SR-16. It's not a real gun, it's an airsoft gun that fires BB's. It looks and feels very real, and I treat it like it's the real steel. I wouldn't take in public, but it's a fun thought to imagine clearing my path through the masses after the day I had.

/endrant

Phun with Photos

I'm up early today for no particular reason other than my body doesn't want me to get enough sleep. I haven't figured out why. Since it is Half Nekkid Thursday, all of you who want to see my pale white ass can see it here. Keep in mind that I'm not a photographer, and this was the first time I used the timer, so that's my ass in it's nature state. No posing was done, and no animals were harmed in the shooting of this pic. Enjoy.

On a side note, I am getting more interested in getting Photoshop now. I think it would be fun to play around with pics that I take. Right now I just have the software that came with the camera to crop and resize the pictures and edit the movies I make. I have to find out how to use the video features of my camera so I can make movies. Maybe I'll play with that this weekend.

As I mentioned before, Sunday I am leaving for Minot, ND. It'll be my first drive through North Dakota. Before I leave I have to get my oil changed. I've put 24,000 miles on my car in the last year. That's a slow year, and I've been visiting a lot of pharmacies in Wisconsin. I'm curious as to how many miles will be on it come next year. At least I get a new car every 100,000 miles or so. I've got 33,000 to go on this one.

Ok, imagine your birthday is over Labor day weekend for a moment. What would you do to celebrate your birthday? I'm currently out of ideas for what to do on my 30th, and I gotta get some idea on what to do other than to go barhopping. Let's hear your ideas.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast...

First, for those who read regularly, I'm going to apologize. The thing I was going to talk about today is in flux, and I'm expecting a bit of information back either tomorrow or Friday. Expect the third part to hit on Friday or Saturday at the latest. Tomorrow is HNT, and I've been trying to find a way to put a pic out here that the guys won't have to look at. I said I'd take an ass shot, but one way or another I'm not going to make anyone look at my ass unless they want to. *laughs* I think I have a good work around. I'll try to implement it tomorrow.

I am damn horny lately, and don't know why. I usually have the hormones of a teenager anyway, but the last week or so I've been really bad. At the rate I've been going, I'm going to rub myself raw before I get some feeling of satisfaction. I can't even say it's because of anything in my life, because as far as I can tell, there isn't anything different. I don't have any women on deck or even interested in me, so I'm not gearing up for that, either. Still, I have the urge for release every hour or two. Today alone has been 8 times, and my day isn't done yet.

One byproduct of this mood, is that I've been looking at a lot of porn online. I've been noticing a lot of trends. One thing I've seen is more "abuse" of women in porn. I can't say I get a thrill out of seeing a woman gag because a guy is fucking her mouth like she didn't need to breathe, or see a woman in obvious pain from sex (any kind) because they are trying to cram in something or someone the size of a baseball bat. Another trend I've seen is age becoming a fetish. I don't mind the mature end of the spectrum other than they got the acronym MILF stuck in my head. I have a problem with the teen sites, tho. One of the biggest themes in them is to make the women look as young as possible, and some that I've seen look like they should be starting high school soon. This disturbs me as I think of the men who are jerking off to pseudo-pedophillic pics and movies and see a few of them trying to find a real teen girl (not woman) in the future.

Clensing the palate of that thought, I am amused by "reality" and MILF porn. The reality porn has me laughing because they use real starlets trying to get into the business, or on occaision a real pornstar, yet they try to act (which is funny in and of itself) like this is something that happened on a coincidence. Come on, how many gals do you know who would meet a complete stranger, who has a camera crew there, and screw the guy just for fun. If you do know one, I may need her name and number for my upcoming birthday. MILF porn is funny because it's usually done in a reality style, and most of the more mainstream sites use women who are 25-30. I know that women can have kids at that age, but most people think of MILF's with teenage kids. Most of these "moms" look like every other gal in porn, only they make them wear glasses and business attire.

On the good side of things, I've been happy to see more sites with real women and breasts. Some gals have very nice fake breasts, but there is an awful lot of bad boob jobs in porn. I also like to see a gal turned on, and stretched out nipples don't get aroused. They have put out a lot more content with real female orgasms, which gets a huge thumbs up in my book. One thing I've run into a lot lately is women who squirt when they cum. Some of it is obviousy fake, but some looks like there could be something to it. I need to meet one of these gals in person. For "research" of course. ;)

Oh well, back to the grind... now where is that lotion?

Better Living Through Chemistry

If you're just picking this up now, you may want to read the last post. I'd say read them all first, but we're all busy people.

Let me tell you what it's like to be in my head. It's a cluttered place for one. I absorb a lot of information without even trying, but it's not always organized thoughts. I tend to run on tangents of tangents of tangents. I usually have three or four thoughts running at the same time, and if one of them is fun or juicy, I can be in daydreamland in a second. I have a darn good imagination too, which doesn't help any. I get distracted really easily by both internal thoughts, and external things like sounds and sights. I tend to put stimulating thoughts first, so I forget to do little easy chores often. I'm distracted by my other thoughts as well, and sometimes I miss subtle clues when dealing with people. There are good things to it, tho.

I'm the guy who can remember exactly what happened years ago. Since I'm always thinking, I don't gather too much dust on my memories. I also am used to multitasking like no other. Great for high stress situations and the bedroom. One weird thing that happens, is that I become hyperfocused. It's an odd trait, but common for people with ADD. Hyperfocus is when you focus so much on something that you notice virtually nothing else. I remember a while back that I sat down to play a new game, and it grabbed my attention so thoroughly that I didn't notice that I had missed lunch, dinner, and the sunset. I had turned on the game at 10AM, and it was midnight before my bladder finally dragged my attention away. I've also had projects going on at work where I have to ask myself, "when did I last eat?" One time I had college and work projects going on, and I missed 48 hours of meals. Scary, huh?

By the title, I'm sure you can figure out what treatment method I chose. I've not had much faith in psychologists. Maybe I never saw a benefit when my parents made me go to one when I was younger. No permanent benefits, at least. That's why I put my faith in something I knew a lot about. I asked to be put on medication.

They didn't give me Ritalin or it's generics, but instead my doctor put me on Adderall XR. It's an extended release amphetamine. To me, it works like coffee in waking me up without the jitters. It also lasts 12 hours at a time. I tend to avoid coffee now, tho. I know it's not good to keep tossing stimulants into the mix, as eventually it's going to kick your ass.

It works very well for me. Other than it waking me up in the morning, I don't notice much in the way of side effects. I focus a lot more during the day while it's in my system, but go back to normal as it wears off in the evening. I think I'm a little more sensitive to heat, but not sure as I started taking it just as summer began.

Why have I shared all of this yesterday and today? Well, I have a big question on my mind that I need to make a decision on in the near future. I'm having a hard time choosing, since one route is risky and requires sacrifice, but if successful it has the most benefits. The other would keep me at my current level of comfort. It's a tough call, and I'll get into the heart of things tomorrow.

The truth can be humbling

I was looking over some test results today from a while back. I've always had trouble with school and staying on track in general. A friend pointed out to me that I should get tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. She had been reading up on it because she was trying to work as a teacher of environmental science. Many of the signs were there, but people tend to read symptoms and overreact. I decided to talk with a doctor and see what I could do to get tested.

They barraged me with all sorts of tests. I was tested on IQ, ADD, depression, anxiety, and a few other personality traits. After all of the testing was done, the test administrator informed me that it was obvious from what he saw that I'd be diagnosed ADD. I was a bit shocked. I had to wait for the shrink to make the final determination, but if it was so obvious to the administrator, why hadn't anyone else noticed? I suppose he had more psychological experience than most. Two weeks later, they finished reviewing my tests and sent me the findings.

At the beginning, it was quite a boost to the ego to read. They started off with my history, and then went into the IQ testing. On the various sections of the test, I ranked in the 87th to 99th percentile. I've always known that I'm smart, but when I saw the overall IQ at 136, I was impressed. 130 and higher is called either Very Superior or Genius. The rest of the academic testing followed suit. So far, so good.

The middle covered the psychological tests. Not the greatest, but it was what I expected. No, I'm not crazy. No, I don't have issues with anxiety. Yes, I have problems with depression on occaision. Yes, I have a crappy self esteem most of the time. I'm still working on things, what can I say?

Finally, I get to the ADD section. On the test they gave me, a score of +1 to -1 was normal. A score of -1.8 was considered impaired and treatment probably was necessary. Me? I scored a -4.24. No wonder the guy giving the test felt confident about a diagnosis.

After this, was the full psychological workup on me. I won't cover the details here, but wow. It was the brutally honest, cut down with no BS description of me. It's an extraordinarily humbling experience to be there, taken apart on paper. I particularly like the line the line that begins, "it does appear that Mr. _____ would be seen as possessing co-morbid disorders...". If someone didn't know the real meaning of co-morbid, it would sound really freaky.

So, I'm damaged goods in a way. I'm the guy with a Ferrari for a mind, but they jammed the throttle open all the way and nobody installed the brakes. I have to stick my feet out like on the Flinstones. I go through a lot of shoes doing that. *laughs* What did I do since getting the tests? I'll fill you more in tomorrow on ADD, how it works, and what I'm doing. May you all have some fun dreams tonight.

The View from Miller Park

A great time was had today at Miller Park. The Brewers didn't win un- fortunately, but the conditions were great. We had tickets for a table at the TGIFridays in the Park. What you see to the left is the view from my seat. We could see just about everything but the scoreboard. The temperature was in the mid to upper 70's with a nice breeze, particularly when they opened the roof.

We got to the game over an hour early. We wanted to get settled in our seats and get the drinks flowing while we watched batting practice. One of the Reds hit a home run in practice that landed near us. Since we were celebrating my mom's birthday, we gave the ball to her. We were right over the Brewers bullpen, and I have a couple very cool shots of pitchers warming up.

I cannot tell you how great it is to be watching a game in great conditions, in an area that has plenty of room, with a waitress bringing you any food and drinks you want. It is days like this that make me glad I was born a capatalist pig. That and every night I get to sleep on my huge king sized bed with 600 count sheets. Life is good.

Anyways, we had a lot of fun, and Mom got one of a thousand special collector's bobblehead dolls of Lyle Overbay (the first pig-latin Brewer to my knowledge). They gave a bobblehead doll to everyone coming in the park, but there were only a thousand made with the Away colors. My mom's in heaven. I'm feeling great that we all had so much fun, and my gift went over so well. I like making people happy.

What's the best gift you've ever given, and what made it so special?

Friday post, Part 2: Return on the fashion impaired

I freely admit that I don't know much about keeping up my appearance. I tend to wear what's comfortable, easy to care for, and easy to find. I'm basically a t-shirt and jeans guy. For work, I wear dockers and a button up shirt. I still wear tighty-whiteys because I grew up wearing them, and I'm used to them. I had a girlfriend a while back who got me to start wearing a few name brand clothes. She got me hooked on Tommy Hilfiger jeans, which I like because they have a lot of room in the legs. I have pretty wide, muscular legs, so most jeans are tight on my thighs, but not those Tommy jeans.

I also don't know much about beauty products and the like. I know the basics like shampoo, soap, and conditioner. I keep a bottle of moisturizing lotion around for when my skin is really dry, and a bottle of oil for massages. I use deodorant and Drakkar Noir to smell good. Past that, I'm lost.

Now that I have the means to improve my wardrobe and appearance, I want to try out a few things. The problem is, that I have no clue how to go about it. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to send in advice. I'm looking for casual and work clothes that are fashionable, but not anything that's going to be passe next week. Advice on products to try for my hair and skin would be great. What good colognes and aftershaves are out there?

I'm very curious what will pop up in the comments and my mailbox. Don't hold back, let's hear it all.

Friday post, Part 1

First of all, this a post at 2 AM after I've been out at the bar. I was noticing that the lovely gals at the bar were attracted to the cops, or the musicians at the bar. What's weird about it, is that I know cops and musicians, and the majority of them, will sleep with anyone, anytime. They will lie their ass off to get laid, and screw you if you have a problem with it.

I know the feeling to want to get laid. Especially from an attractive woman. Heck, there was a MILF on my right who was darn attractive, who was after the cop on her right. The sad part was that she was so horny that she was poking out of her shirt, and the cop on her right (two time divorcee) was pawing at her like a teenager with no idea what to do once she showed any interest. Anyone know what that's about?

I was asked by one of the cute bartenders what was wrong when I was thinking about things and staring off into space. I told her what was on my mind at the time, and thanked her for her concern. "Hey, it's my job" is what she replied. Just her job. Fuck.

Half Nekkid Thursdays and Baseball

I've seen Half Nekkid Thursdays at quite a few blogs that I've visited, so I thought I'd try it out with Totally Nekkid Thursday! Isn't that a yummy picture? *laughs* As you can see, I have good taste since it isn't me to the left. I think I can be fairly sure thst most people do not want to see me naked. I can't fault them there as I wouldn't want to see me naked either since I don't have boobs.

I'm starting to get excited about the Brewer game on Saturday. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but my mom loves the Brewers. For her birthday back in May, my brother, sister, and I got together to get a table at the TGIFridays inside Miller Park. We got it for this weekend because it's Lyle Overbay bobblehead night. It'll be a fun night. On the off-chance any of you are watching the game, we'll be sitting at the table closest to center field. We will be drinking heavily since we put down a hundred and fifty dollars on our food and beverage bill. That will probably become $50 in food and the rest on beer.

The last time I was at a game was in June. We had a blast that night since the Brewers came back from behind and beat the Twins that night. What made that evening the most memorable for me, was I caught my first game ball that night. Carlos Lee was up and hit a foul into our section. Even though I was gloveless, my fast hands prevailed, and I grabbed the ball. Since my mom is the true fan, I gave her the ball, and we later were able to get Carlos to sign it.

I'm certainly more of a fan of baseball than I have been in a long time. The Brewers have made a lot of dumb choices, especially with Selig at the helm. I was a fan in the early 80's when we had Molitor, Yount, and so many other great players. I was in the stands when they won the division. By the end of the 80's, the Brewers were so awful, I just stopped paying attention to baseball entirely. In the last couple years, they've really been building the heart of the Brewers again. Not just by getting a few good players on board, but also trying to bring the fun of the game back. They are doing a darn good job of it, in my opinion.

Being a fan of Wisconsin sports means you have to love an underdog. I still am hoping that the Packers can make it to the Superbowl one more time with Favre as QB. He's a damn good player, but the whole team has to be there for the magic to happen. I hope our defense will be better than last year's. We will have to see during the preseason game tonight.

This Odd Bar

I go to an interesting dive bar here in Milwaukee called Just Art's. The place is also a bit of a cop bar as well, so be warned. What is interesting about it, is that even if it's a dive, there are a lot of great people there with interesting minds. The bunch I usually talk to there comprise of two pharmacists, a dentist, a high level stock broker, a lawyer, two detectives, and an IT professional. There are a lot of other people who visit with varied backgrounds as well.

The reason I like to go there, is that the conversations is far ranging, the beer is cheap, and the music isn't so loud that you have to shout to be heard. Tonight, we covered evolutionary biology, anthropology, drugs and marketing, and politics. Art, the owner, is a staunch conservative, but he's an informed one. He can be an ass sometimes, but his facts are usually right. He also plays a mean game of dice most of the time.

Now all we need is more intelligent women to visit there. Although I suppose it could be said that if the women are intelligent, they would avoid Just Art's. *laughs* I'll keep going there despite that deficiency in women. It's just too interesting not too.

Now I must drink my water, take my Tylenol, and sleep so I can wake up tomorrow without a hangover. Have some wonderful dreams, everyone.

Sisters, Travel, and Bears.. Oh My!

Since I mentioned it a while ago, I thought I'd show off my bear. My bear is on my left arm near the shoulder. If you think that my skin has any color aside from the ink, just know that I took the picture as the sun was setting, so there was an orangy glow in the room. I'm starting to understand how my camera works, so expect more pictures from my life in the future.

I'm currently writing this as my sister watches some inane reality show. It's quite distracting, so I'm doing my best to ignore it. I don't even know what the name of the show is, but it really doesn't matter much since so many of them are nearly identical. There really isn't much to watch on regular TV these days. There are a few things to catch on cable or satellite depending on which you have. I don't have either of them since I am on the road so often. I can't justify getting something that I wouldn't use much even if I was home, and that sometimes is less than a third of the time in a month. Even if there's a Packers game on that isn't on network TV, I'll just go to a bar with it on.

Yes, you did read above that I live with my sister. It's a good deal for the both of us. When we moved into this apartment, she was escaping a boyfriend that was no good. I needed someone that wouldn't trash or steal my stuff. It works out pretty well since she doesn't see me during the week frequently, and she generally spends the weekends at her new boyfriend's house. The only problem I have is that since she could theoretically come home at any time, I can't walk around my own home naked. I can deal with that sacrifice for the moment. It's allowing me to save up to put a substantial down payment on a house. Although things are up in the air if I want to purchase a home yet. I'm still toying with the idea of going back to college again to get a PharmD. More on that another day.

If you read yesterday's post, I mentioned the possibility of driving to North Dakota. It's official now, I will be driving to Minot and back which is about 18 hours each way. I could've taken a flight, but ticket prices there is $850 plus I would have to rent a car. My boss like to reduce costs if possible, and I am a little frugal by nature. By driving, I'll have to pay for gas, food, and an extra night in a hotel, but that shouldn't come to more than $300 total even with the gas price hike. I'll leave Sunday the 21st and will get back on Thursday evening.

It should be an interesting trip, since I've never driven west of the Twin Cities on I-94. Anything out that way that should be seen? Let me know.

BTW- I'm assembling a list of interesting and/or insightful quotes. Feel free to send me favorite quotes of yours.

Gettin' my geek on

I had a lot of time to think this weekend. As you may have noticed from my posts, I can be a bit moody at times. Some people say it's because I haven't gotten laid in quite a while. I can't argue too much with that. At the beginning of the weekend, I was heading for a bout of depression with full throttle. Then I decided to do something about it.

People hearing what I did this weekend might think I was seriously bummed out. I like my creature comforts. First of all, it was 90+ degrees during the day, so I turned on the AC and stayed in all weekend. I sat down with a physics textbook and medical dictionary at different times just for fun. My Playstation2 was well used this weekend as well. Each morning, I woke up, took a shower, and put on pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. I would wear nothing at all, but I happen to have a roommate who'd definately disapprove.

So basically, I had two days that I took my mind off of my problems and relaxed. I feel quite a bit better now than if I had gone out and had not rested. I guess I enjoy that "me" time more than most. (not that kind of "me" time either, perverts ;) well, a few times, but that's all, I swear) I'm not up to full energy yet, but I spent three weeks on the road and that takes a lot out of me. I am home for this week, but have to plan another couple of trips.

In a week or two, I get to head to the splendors of Minot, ND. I quiver in anticipation of that sprawling metropolis and its amazing nightlife. Even with the Air Force Base there, I don't think there is a decent bar, club, or even strip club anywhere near Minot. I might drive there as well, to compound my fun. At least I get to train some very nice people while there. One is quite cute, but happily married.

For those who travel for business, I have two questions for you. What do you do on the road to make the trip more interesting? What advice have you learned on the road that you would like to share? Feel free to comment, or email if you'd like.

Thoughts of the past

I sat down a while ago to check my work e-mail, and I noticed the date.
August 5, 2005.
I turn 30 in exactly a month. I am not grasping it very well. I still feel like I am 16 inside. I don't think I ever grew up all of the way. I suppose some of the signs are there. Clerks used to say, "Have a good day", but now most of them add "sir" to it. My mom is wondering when I'll meet a nice gal to settle down with. If she knew what I was really looking for, she would go into guilt trip mode saying things like "I didn't raise you to be like that."

At the heart of things, I feel isolated from people just like I did back in high school. I've never quite fit in where I am. I have a few friends, but I don't feel like I can count on them. I know why I feel that way, but I still can't get over it.

After I graduated from high school and screwed up in college, I couldn't get my feet under me. Real life and I didn't get along well. So I continued to do my best to self destruct. Eventually, people got tired of it. I was kicked out of my parents home to stay with friends, who kicked me out as well. I jumped at any chance to survive at this point. I ended up in Tulsa with less than fifty bucks to my name, a backpack with all of my possessions in it, and nowhere to go. My 22nd birthday was right in the middle of my two weeks of being homeless.

I couldn't get a job even at a fast food restaraunt because I had no address. As my cash dwindled, I started thinking of how easy it would be to give up. The horrors I was seeing on the street made me want to dive from an overpass, but something kept me from doing it. Finally, I was down to my last five bucks and decided that I was going to write a few goodbye emails, have a full meal, and let go. I had hit rock bottom and was utterly alone. Suicide was not meant to be, however. When I checked my email, I found one from the people who ran the local BBS. I had met someone who had offered to help me out on that BBS and that's why I was in Tulsa. They found out that this guy abandoned me to my fate for fun from his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend.

After taking me to their house so I could take my first shower in a week, they introduced me to a friend of theirs. She was new to Tulsa, and was nervous about living alone. She also was a manager of a call center and got me a job there. I was living at the mercy of others, and even though I found myself in the company of good people, I knew from experience how quickly people could change. I had changed. In some ways it was good, as I did need a good kick in the ass to get me going in the right direction.

This is not a tale I tell my family and friends. I don't want them to feel guilty for my experience or the problems that came from it. I have managed to trust people again, but I expect to be disappointed by them. I look at the worst case scenario and the negative aspects of life most of the time in order to be prepared. I also indulge my hedonistic side more than I should because I know what it's like to have no pleasures at all. Above all, I hate to be ignored. I have been nothing to the world at large, and never want it to happen again. I'd rather be rejected and spurned in the most public, hurtful manner than to just be ignored.

Maybe this blog is another way to connect with people. To be seen and to have my existance proven. I don't know right now. All I know is that I'm feeling very introspective right now, so I'll be heading over to Lake Michigan to watch the waves come in while my mind races through those dark streets in my mind.

To everyone who takes the time to read this; Thank you.
To anyone I may have touched or helped in any way; I am honored.
To those who comment or e-mail me; I wish you could see my smile.

/end bigsappypost
Now returning to the usual Erik.

How my luck works

I'm a little tipsy at the moment, so try to ignore any small errors in this post. I just got back from a little place on State street in Madison. I went for the faux Irish pub here. Good beer and some nice looking gals. Smithwick's is a nice beer that they are just starting to import into this area. It's made by the makers of Guinness, but isn't as heavy or thick. Anyway, I was in a silly mood and didn't give a damn what anyone thought of me there.

I elbowed up to the bar and started to talk with a few people nearby. Normally I don't feel the need to chat up strangers, but I was in that mode. Liz and Samantha were to my left, and I must've amused them. Liz wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box, but most guys would've gone after her. She did have a nice amount of exposed cleavage. Samantha was a bit more plain, but she was smart and had a gorgeous smile. Definate DSL, too.

Two rounds of drinks later, Liz gets hit on by a couple of guys and starts chatting with them, and Samantha and I get to some serious flirting. I usually don't find gals I want to flirt with, so this is the first time in a year or so that I'm feeling frisky and in the perfect mood for flirting with an interesting gal. She mentions that she has a sore neck, and I have nice and soft hands. After massaging her neck a bit, she gets a little closer, and I get a nice view as she was wearing a very thin bra. The bar has gotten warmer as it filled up more, yet her nipples are poking out quite noticibly. I try not to look too obviously, but I have to tease her a bit for them.

I deserved getting a little smack in the shoulder, and I tell her that she shouldn't hit my bear. I have a tattoo of a bear's face on that side, and I show it to her. We keep getting closer to each other, and she makes a fairly bold move for most gals I know. She sets her hand on my leg and starts to knead my thigh. Her hand moves higher up my thigh slowly, but it's fairly clear where she's heading. Then she asks "The Question".

"So, where do you live?"

"I'm staying at the Hampton Inn while in Madison, but I live in Milwaukee."

"Oh,"

Her hand stops at this moment, and soon afterward she gets up to go to the bathroom. Her reaction to what I said screams "Wrong answer!" She comes back with Liz in tow and says she has to go. No digits given, and a bare minimum of explaination. Crap.

I can't get mad at her. I mean, everyone has preferences and choices, and you can't force people's minds. Life happens as it happens. Demon Murphy rules over my luck, however. It was quite odd that something as insignificant to me as where I live would derail a night of great sex that was showing it's promise on the horizon. I can't even get down on myself for anything I did. It's just pure, dumb, bad luck.

So I'm left with the memories of her smile and other lovely parts, the scent of her perfume, a half dozen or more unused condoms, and an erection that won't let me sleep. I better take care of it, get some tylenol and water in me, and go to sleep so I can function tomorrow.

Sighs.

Family photos

I've gotten to enjoy the last couple days visiting my brother here in Madison between visits to customers. The only problem is that it's in the 90's here. That's too darn hot for comfort. I have to wear a button up, long sleve shirt for work visits, so I'm roasting as my car's AC catches up. I haven't been able to enjoy the nightlife since my brother can't drink. He's a locksmith and runs his own business, which puts him on-call at all times.

At least the women here are scantily dressed. I was watching a few gals at the restaraunt my brother and I was eating at. Lucious curves in all of the right places. Since I am way ahead of schedule for visiting customers in Wisconsin, an offer from any one of those gals would've had us in my hotel room testing out the soundproofing. Personally, I can't see what you gals find attractive in men. I'm damn glad you do, though.

I did purchase a very nice digital camera, now I just need to take the time to figure out how it works. I thought that I'd try to bring you all pictures of my journeys and maybe even myself from time to time. The thing even can make very short MPEGs with audio. I guess I can now make homemade porn, not that anyone would actually request any from me. If they did, they'd only get pics of me anyway. I don't mind putting myself out there for people to see, but other people is a whole different story. A gentleman never shares too much.